3 weeks ago
15
I've joined self help online communities and people have told me not to blame myself but my actions lead me to be the failure I am.
The kissless virgin I am, the dude who did not stand up against my dad when he beat me up and my mom when I was a kid 8-13 bashed my head with his fists and belted me. Then at 14 beat me until I bled and had purple bruises all over my body. I'm the dumbass who is now too shy and fucked and every person I try to talk to gives me the silent eye treatment irl because my social skills are so fucked even though English was my first language. I'm the fucking dumbass who is about to be homeless because he quit one job two years ago and the second job he was about to get after grad has been revoked because they don't have the funds to keep me anymore.
The could have been better man if I had stopped my dad from buying another 1.3 million dollar house while my mom has slaved for him to pay off the first 1.1 million dollar off and had to loan them thousands of dollars and give them a few thousand forever.
The idiot who didn't run away from home at 16 to start his own life from his parents and instead spent helping them grow their real estate empire by listing, showing and doing other things and now at 22 has no outside connections than the abusive parents that keep begging for more money and asking to take my 100k that I have grown saying its only fair.
I'm the dumbass who lost 20k at 18 because Robin Hood froze the accounts and I had many other shots in my life to recover it but I never sold that investment which might go back up or not. I just wish I had been a normal person and just maybe maybe I wouldn't be stuck with rookie cards now. Just maybe life would've been better, if I had manned up in my life some women tell me, I failed.
The kids who bullied me racially from elementary till hs grade 12 or the girls who called me ew and only one dude asked me in hs for a full 10 minutes why don't you ever stand up for yourself.
No friends, no gf, grandpa was the only dude who stuck up from me and now he is gone, I'm honestly fucked.
All alone and nobody cared about me and that is my fault as well. I don't care whatever anyone says I need to fix my shit otherwise, there is no point.
Lets try one more time not to be a failure, one last time.
Grandpa I honestly need you man it feels like my legs and arms are broken and I'm drowning and it feels like I'm about to reach my end.
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