How to believe in love again ?

I just went through a super unexpected with my boyfriend of two years. We ended on good terms, sharing what we appreciated about each other, and while I feel good about that, it’s still really painful. I truly thought I saw a future with him. At the end of the day, though, he did what I could never bring myself to do, and part of me believes it’s for the best.

It’s hard to accept that we were just learning experiences for each other and not the end goal, especially because being in the relationship felt so real and alive. A part of me always believed that, because of my painful experiences growing up with love, I’d somehow be blessed with a beautiful love when I was young. I thought maybe I’d be gifted a love that made all the past hurt worth it. That’s why I’ve always tried so hard to make it work in my relationships.

I look at my parents’ relationships, and I don’t want what they had. My biological parents’ love was messy and heartbreaking. My adoptive parents put in work and love each other, but it’s not what I envision for myself. I even look at my grandparents, who’ve stayed together since high school out of respect and care, but I don’t see the kind of love I want there either.

The examples of love I have to look up to don’t represent what I want, and it’s starting to make me question whether real love is even possible. I know I need time alone right now to heal, but this feeling that true love isn’t real is really getting to me, and I don’t know how to move forward or how to believe in love again.