How to accept that my childhood is almost over?

Hey, so this is probably stupid. I know im still young, hell im still a minor, but I feel.. old. Well old for a kid anyways. Im 16, and I just, I don't feel it. I still feel perpetually 14 and I miss that so much. I miss being technically old enough for other peers to take me seriously but not being old enough or my actions to really matter. I could do whatever the hell I wanted because I was stupid and barely a teenager.

I miss the stupid internet drama me and my online friends would get into. I miss the simplicity of the romantic relationships I got into. I miss the nativity of it. I want to go back to that, I want to deal with stupid Internet drama again. It was fun.

And the weird part, I miss being smarter then most of my peers. It seems to be a common thing with Neurodivergent folk, at a point your more aware then your friends, but then suddenly you feel so behind. I feel like I don't understand people anymore. Why are people so mean? Why aren't you all honest like you used to be? Why can't I guess what your going to do anymore?

I have to accept that ill probably never have that similar wholesome romantic love that I did back then. That it'll have to be more "serious" now, I guess?

I had a really bad depressive episode pretty much the entire time I was 15 and I don't remember anything from it. I have maybe 20 memories of the whole year. I blinked and suddenly im 16 and I just.. I don't have anything. I don't have friends, I hardly have hobbies, I have jack shit grades and no direction. My life is better, I finally have the freedom and energy and will to live to actually enjoy what I have left. But what do I have left? 2 years and suddenly im an adult, and what then?

I don't have any desire to be an adult. Why would I? I'm stressed enough in my own head, why would I want to add actual stress to it? I know I don't have a choice, its going to happen anyways. But sometimes I just stop having the will to do anything. That nothing I do matters because suddenly, ill be 18 and even more behind my peers. That I don't deserve to have hobbies because I waited to long. That im to old to be get good at anything for it to be impressive.

I feel like I'm still 14, and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not. And I just wish I was. I don't know, its been bugging me on and off for the past couple of months. And it just makes me really sad.