How do you live more in the present?

I have been feeling very existential lately. Just your standard woman in her mid thirties here, not where she thought she’d be in life. So, as you can imagine, it’s become very easy to fall into a pit of self loathing, and scold myself for not getting out there for not doing anything about it.

I turned 34 last May, and I honestly can’t tell you what has happened in my life up until this moment. It has been nothing but status, white noise, until I briefly snap out of it. And look around me wondering how did I get to 2025 already and creeping up on my 35th birthday.

Single. Never married. No children. But I’m in relatively good health. In therapy. Federal employee. Renting, but have my own place. And awesome, snuggly cat. My friend circle is good. I’m not in crippling debt. My parents are still alive and doing ok. And I don’t necessarily have any major responsibilities other than curating my own contentment and fulfillment.

So WHY am I so unhappy? I wake up every morning disappointed that I did. Because, as I’ve mentioned numerous times in therapy, I feel that I’ve done all that I could do. And wanted to do. Getting into an building a romantic relationship with a whole ass other human being is frankly out of my control. As I’ve had to learn the hard way, that you can do everything right on your end, but they can still just…leave.

I’ve read a lot on here lately, that when we were kids, time dragged on forever. Because we had so much more to absorb and take in through the days. Every day was a new adventure, and new info to soak up. Now the formula goes as following. Wake up, work, gym, home, occasional friend connection, home. Sleep… wash rinse and repeat. And instead of a week going by, a whole year has come full circle. I’m at a loss. But there is something in me trying to scratch its way to the surface, otherwise, this existentialism wouldn’t creep.

How do I get back to how we were when we were kids? Where all that mattered was our day. Not the past. Not the future. Just that day.

TLDR: life as an adult sucks. How do those feeling the same get their childish enthusiasm back?