Help! I think I died

It all started this morning, I woke up as usual. I emptied the litter box because my cat likes a clean place to poop in the morning. I changed her water. Now here is where it gets complicated: I sat on the toilet and you know did that business. I then got in the shower and prepared for the day afterwards. I realized something wasn’t right when I looked at the TV and there was a little smiley face in the upper right corner. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror: the smiley face was behind me and I was still sitting on the toilet all limp like. I had heard the stories about Elvis and pushing too hard in the toilet so I immediately thought of that. Was I dead? Did I push too hard? Was I like Elvis in this respect? I am very thankful for anyone who reaches out, especially priests because this smiley face is starting to say little words like: “You want to drink that coffee, wouldn’t it taste so blueberry and cold in this 20 degree weather?” So, I think yes that would be really really good. In the back of my head is definitely the possibility that these people won’t see me as I might be a ghost. Or, my car won’t be able to transport a ghost. My anxiety is so bad right now, my heart is beating out of my chest, and my hand passes through solid objects except this computer from 1996. I found a way to download my iPhone into Windows 95 thank god.

As I sit and wait to get coffee I may never be able to consume again (because where is my stomach now?), thinking: Will there by blueberry ice coffee where ever I am going next? Does everyone value a good blueberry coffee like I do? Thanks for listening guys. I will post back with updates unless they put my the room with the padded walls.