Hate life

I’m 26.. got pregnant at 23 and had my kid… he’s 3 and I just hate everything about this… my life was never together and now I feel guilty and resent having him/bringing him into this mess. It’s quite literally a mess we’re currently sleeping on my grandma’s couch and have been for about 3 months. I’ve been battling a drug problem because I’m always sad and resenting having a kid. I miss the freedom and the carelessness and now I feel as if I never let go of that part of my life because look at where we are. I work a good job but spend all my money on my habits because I just try to escape reality as much as I can. I won’t have any money for Christmas didn’t have any for his birthday and often times I just want to off myself. I wish I never made the dumb ass decision of keeping him because regardless of my carelessness… I would be able to maneuver through life a lot easier without him.