Fuck this life, and fuck everything.

I've been alone all my life, and I'll probably never have the ability to be in a successful/healthy relationship with someone else. How the fuck is anyone realistically meant to cope with that without shrivelling up and dying inside a million times over?

As a 33 year old man, I've never shared a single moment of intimacy with anyone, let alone ever been on a date. My struggles with mental illness have not only resulted in me being completely isolated from the rest of the world, but worse, have also deprived me of the emotional wherewithal to ever fathom being in a relationship. In a lot of ways, being shy, reserved, and having acute struggles with mental illness, more or less guarantees that you'll be 100% alone for the rest of your life, and what do you know, that's exactly what's been the case for me.

Materially speaking, I'm also a complete failure, and have next to nothing to offer anyone, whether externally or internally. I'm also extremely avoidant by nature, and I specifically suffer from AvPD, which far more than anything else, is the true psychological cyanide that would straight-up kill any chance at a successful relationship.

Ultimately, I just don't know how I'm going to make it through today, tomorrow, and all the other days to come. It's all so painful, and I'm so tired of being in pain.