Cousins got my dream life.

I went over to my cousins house for Thanksgiving and stayed over for a few days and I’ve had some feelings recently. I wanna say I’ve been feeling envy. I have come to envy my cousins life, not want their life but I wish I could be in a similar situation. Something that happened during the sleepover also shocked me, while was on the phone with a friend she asked if his house was big and he said not really. That shocked me because his house is def big. It was showing me that we are from very different upbringings despite being part of the same family. My family has never been swimming in dough but I never noticed because for 8 years of my life we lived with my grandma and she paid for the all bills. Once we moved out it showed me that we were not. Maybe partial reason why my cousins house is big is because they bought it before the market crash in ‘08, but still that doesn’t change the fact that they have 5 cars one for each while we have one that is on its last legs. It’s not just that though. I live in the city and he lives in the suburbs. One thing I noticed is that he has had the same friend group for his whole life, obviously he added more people but he’s had the same core ones his whole life. And a big part of that is because in his suburb there is one consensus high school where everyone goes after middle school. Me meanwhile living in the city there are hundreds of choices for high school, and I decided to go to one that literally not a single other person from my middle school even applied to. I still made friends but they aren’t as close as ones during 8th grade and not as many. It’s also weird because in the city there’s not a consensus high school but there kinda is. For some middle schools my high school is the consensus one that majority of the students go to so a lot of people already know each other and have their friends groups. My cousin is like that, he’s a senior and has has the same close friends for years because everyone went to the same high school because in the suburbs there is one consensus school. He’s got his own car, a very loyal group of friends that he sees everyday, and also once he goes to college he’s gonna have his parents pay for an apartment for him. He’s gon attend a college in my city but still isn’t living there. I just can’t help but feel envy. He’s seems to have my dream life. Now obviously this is only what I see and maybe it’s very different on a day to day basis but still, he has a life that I would love to have. Also I’ve never heard a someone have to ask another family member like a brother or sister to move their car so they can get out except at family gatherings. And then Ive also just been feeling down, this holiday season just doesn’t feel the same and I know why. My grandma passed away on my first day of school this year and this will be my first Christmas without her and I guess I’m feeling the impact now. Idk how this comes off but this has been overwhelming me since I got back today. I’m obviously still grateful that I have things like food and water at my disposal and I know there are people who would do anything to have what I have but this is just what I’ve been feeling.