3 hours ago
1
Over the weekend I reflected at the power of the partners in our lives - for me, it's the feminine energy in my life. Specifically I am thinking about my wife when I'm making this post, her wisdom and strength. I want to celebrate her.
Looking back, at cross-road moments - and arguably some of the hardest points in my life - my wife was there to help and counsel me. Always. And I can say that with her help, her intuition, courage and strength, I made decisions that led to growth and fulfilment in my life.
A recent example is the period leading up to the moment when I quit my job and decided to start-up a new company, with two other wild souls. This was at a time when a) she was considering quitting her and b) we were having more and more discussion about having a kid. Somehow life has a way to teach us very deep lessons at "the best of times" - this time, it happened that I had the realisation that I do not resonate with my job in management consulting anymore. Also, this incredible opportunity to build and shape a new company was arising. My brain was telling me to stay in consulting and provide the security for our family in this moment, my heart was telling me I should leave.
My decision:
My wife supported me a lot in my career, and because of this I felt a lot of shame, to tell her that I feel that it's time for me to leave my job, and pursue this (very crazy and risky) adventure in entrepreneurship, to follow my passion and mission. It was an incredibly hard decision to even talk about this with her, but I decided to do it. I felt that I should at least be honest about where I am, what I'm pondering and what is eating me up - otherwise, I felt I would have lost part of my authentic self in my relationship.
Our discussion:
You need to picture the entire moment - the weight she was carrying on her shoulders, with key decisions in her life that we were talking about. And then me opening up the conversation for another huge life decision - I feel like in moments like these, the difficult ones, character is really reflected, the bond of your relationship is tested, and ultimately you grow individually and as a couple in different ways.
I'm not saying it was an easy conversation, it was hard, and complex - but the synthesis of my wife's belief in this moment was humbling: "when making this decision, let's think about what you need first, and then let's see how that would impact us, and if we can make it work". In spite of the weight she was carrying, she still thought about ME first. Ultimately, she did not make the decision for me, but she said she would support me in what I need to do, and she trusts me that I will do what's best for myself, for her in her transition, and for us as a family.
My reflection:
This was a profoundly deep moment - it speaks so much about the trust you nurture in a relationship. And the trade-offs we make, for our personal and relationship wellbeing. I realise she sacrificed in the short/mid-term part of her sense of security, so that I can grow authentically as a human being. I feel a sense of deep respect, but also responsibility going forward. For myself, for her, for our family - for the life we are building together. She has invested so much of herself in it. But also for the mission I am on, for the users who will use our product. If there was nothing else, the trust that my better half has in me is enough to fuel my authentic intention going forward.
What is your experience with being at decision cross-roads, and if you have a partner, how did you show up in front of them? Were you ashamed to be yourself, afraid of any reactions? Or were you able to open up?
If you did open up, how did you partner show up? What trade-off have they made, and are you giving them the respect for how much of themselves they invest in the relationship? How do you celebrate them?
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