Can we go from bar life to hanging on the couch??

I'm 42m. I work in the restaurant/bar industry. Most of my life, I've been used to- Work, bar, sleep, repeat. Get finished with work, go have drinks, fun, try to get laid, repeat. That's what my youth was about. Now that I'm older, I just want to chill after work, rub her feet, have my feet rubbed, have good sexy time, and keep it chill.... But why is it so hard to find the simplicity of this?? It shouldn't be that hard.... It seems that most of us are so jaded by our past and insecurities, that we don't open up to our next partner fully until the situation is already fucked...? Help me understand please???