About the downturns of "success"

I don't know if my post will make any sense but I'll try. I often think that I am blessed in life. Many things I "possess" could be other peoples goal or dream or whatever. But still I am not happy at all. The opposite is the case I am unhappy all the time. So up to this point I thought that I am just being unthankful. But only now I realized that every thing good comes with something bad so that things even out. I still think that objectively I am in a good position but subjectively it is different as I explained. Here are some examples:

1. I live in one of the richest countries on earth

Obviously this comes with many advantages which I don't have to list. But it is in central Europe so the weather is really bad half of the year. Also countries or not rich out of the blue: People in general are obsessed with work, status, material things and so on. So nobody really enjoys the top position. The opposite is the case: There is constant fear that things could go south. Also people supress their instincts and emotions all the time because otherwise they couldn't function. The consequence is that life overall is no fun. Another is the order. If there is order there is security and stuff like that. This is good. But order is also absence of freedom in it's very sense. You can't do shit here. You may not build a cabin in your own yard. You may not chose the color of your roof. And it gets worse all the time. Modern cars which are obviously omni present here don't allow you to drive without belt. For example. If you want to smoke at an outside train station you must stand within a square painted on the ground. You may not cross an empty street if the light is red. And so on ...

1. I do alright financially

Obviously a good thing. But I figured the more I save the more the topic influences me. You have to think about financial stuff, make decisions, be careful but only take risks, all the time you find out you missed a chance, people want your money. And in the end you only have the money because you don't spend it so it's just a number in an app with no connection to your daily life. And if you beginn spending it, it only melts away quicker and quicker. So it's like a dilemma: Money is only there if you don't enjoy it. When you enjoy it, it disappears. But the real annoyance is of course psychological because if you get used to spending money, it is harder if there is none left. So it's like a drug: You start to need it, when you use it.

1. I am smart

Again people normally wish to be smart. But for me it just became a constant source of disappointment and a bullshit detector. The more I think and understand, the less makes sense. Also if you use your brain too much you get excluded often because you question things that shall not be questioned. There might be (work) places where intelligence is valued but most places do only value it if it is functional for them and makes them money. So congratulations: You may be a smart machine for somebody!

1. I am athletic

I do a lot of sport so I have an athletic build. But all the sport leads to constant soreness, pressure, injuries, it influences my nutrition in a way which is no fun and so on. So I am fitter than the average but also not. Actually I have had some sort of pain all the time, for the last 25 years. There is always something and the older I get the more things pile up. But as soon as I stop doing sport I get fat, lazy and other problems arise (and long term it will probably lead in some health desaster). So you could say: Find the healthy middle. But the healthy middle is boring. People are athletic because they are driven. But if you the driven type, a reasonable approach does not get you going. But that is another topic. In any case the main issue stays the same: People don't envy average figure, they envy a fit figure. And a fit figure comes with all that negative consequences.

1. I can/could have a lot of dates

People normally complain about having problems getting dates. I had more tinder matches than I could meet. In the end it just meant everybody on the app became meaningless, human beings became interchangeable objects, random pictures in some form of data base. Excitement went away, I did not care anymore about "success" or "rejection" because it was like a slot machine. New game, new chance – who gives a damn? There was an ego boost but you pretty soon realize that it makes you lonelier and lonelier in the end if you do not really connect. But i becomes worse: Then you realize that it is all a shallow game you play but you still miss it when you don't have it anymore. So after you are not really happy anymore even if you have managed to connect with somebody. Honestly: You better never have great "success" in dating. It destroys more than it gets you.

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I could name more examples but you surely get the point. I think my conclusion just is: One should not wish for "success" or "blessings" or envy people. They probably are not happy with the stuff that seems like the key to a happy life. They just are not. You are certainly happier without them it seems to me.