4 hours ago
6
I could write an entire book about this, I am almost 23 years old. I kinda had a pretty rough life. just feel like I have no idea what I am doing. There are a lot of things I don’t know about life. Like doing taxes, stuff about basic history or geography that everyone knows. What the hell is a mortgage (I have been paying rent for a townhome for 4 years after living in the dorms for 1 year). Mostly so many questions about life stuff like insurance and college and credit cards etc. Stuff I don’t even know to ask about yet.
I was put into foster care at the age of 6 due to neglect and abuse (locks outside of bedroom doors and food cabinets, lots of moving around and beatings/emotional abuse) along with my 7 siblings. Some of us were separated and placed with grandparents because we all had different dads. 4 of us were able to stay together and after a couple of foster homes, we were eventually placed into our forever home (age 11).
Our adopted dad was always away and they eventually split because he cheated the entire time. And I don’t know who my real dad is, so I never really had a dad, and when I did, we had an awful relationship (a book in itself) . My mom was an angel and we had the best bond. I could go on and on about her. She saved our lives.
She found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer after going to the doctor because her stomach hurt when she ate. I didn’t understand cancer and what stage 4 meant, I just KNEW she was gonna be okay and I was so persistent. Nobody told me she wasn’t going to make it. I watched her get sick and feed her out of a syringe and help her use the bathroom all while I was at college. Everytime I came to visit she just looked worse and I never believed it would happen. It was traumatizing. She was so weak and frail. I have been struggling with this since Jan 2021 (age 19).
She raised 3 other children who are my older siblings and are now in their late 20s and early 30s. They are my rocks. I know they’re struggling so hard along with having kids, so many things expected from them.
When I lost my mom I lost everything.
I got a compassionate withdrawal because my professors noticed I wasn’t doing well in my classes. When you’re adopted get you free college in the state you’re adopted in. But as soon as I went back I was doing awful and having to retake classes because I was also working 2 jobs 7 days a week and they were opposite shifts. Eventually I wasn’t going and just gave up on everything I ever cared about. Tried to inform /ask questions to the school but never got a response
Later, I started working with a delivery company making $20 an hour. This is the best paying job I’ve ever had. I WILL go back to college but I want the college campus experience, I don’t want online. But with this job I literally can’t do in person classes because it’s during the times I work. Last year I didn’t sign up for any classes, and I have yet to. So now I’m worried I won’t get the rest of my college for free. I only have a couple of semesters left to graduate. I should just randomly contact an advisor? (They didn’t answer me the first time) Or who do I contact to get this figured out? (Pls don’t judge me). Mind you, I plan on going to school for longer than this. I just need to be financially stable enough to take a class during the day)
I have been without insurance for 4 years and I just got it finally this month (HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT) because I missed open enrollment for my delivery job the first time. I don’t know what all they pay for because I don’t understand what I signed up for. I pay weekly on dental insurance and health insurance. So I should make appointments for therapy and dental and literally everything right? But what if it doesn’t cover? I recently went broke because I apparently haven’t been paying my water bill for 8 months and they JUST NOW cut it off (a whole other story pls don’t judge). $500 later I understand what I was doing wrong and I have my water back.
Now I’m just broke as HELL and i don’t even know what im doing at this point or if anything is correct. There is so much I am uninformed on and I wish I had a life advisor without paying for it. Life scares me and I think I’m an alcoholic. OK BYE I’m so scared please don’t judge me too hard but THANK YOU SO MUCH to anyone who actually read this and gives real advice. I’m a silent reader on here
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