मन में दबा के जो रखोगे, निकलेगा फ़ट के ये गुस्सा। [T/ N: If you keep it bottled up inside, this anger will explode out in fury.]

This is just a letter to myself.

Dear me,

Keep botting up this and that and this and that, you are on a verge of breakdown you are gunna fucking explode emotionally you are a ticking time bomb

Yet you pretend everything is alright, smile on your face even though your heart is so heavy it can barely pump blood to your fingertips.

This is not a joke, the cost it takes to pretend everything is alright, turns your hair white, your face wrinkly. You cant sleep your dark circles are so bad your eyes look like black holes.

Do you really even think people do not notice it? they do but they ignore it.

Either they believe you will be fine or they dont care, probably both.

You will not recieve the care you want from anyone else but me.

I am not lacking love, people do love me, I lack self love.

you do deserve my love, but I won't give it to you, because I am angry at you.

What you did to me was unforgivable, and you keep asking me to forgive you.

But I won't be fooled by you, cuz i AM you. You will get forgiveness, you will get love, but only when I see you taking actions not just making empty promises to yourself and not doing anything just hurting and hurting and doing nothing to better yourself.

But I do love you, even if you lose everything, even if you fall in gutter while drunk, I will be there for you.

I am sorry I ignored you so much, I am trying to forgive you and love you, bear with me, dear me.