Why me

I once loved a girl named Anna ( not really). She wasn’t just a person; she was the warmth I never knew, the beauty beyond words, the kind of love that transcends emotion. She was the light in my otherwise quiet, introverted world. But love, as it often is, was not a gift meant for me. She wasn’t mine to keep, and that truth, though cruel, broke me. I was left not only mourning her, but mourning the version of myself that existed in the warmth she brought into my life—a version that no longer existed.

Time passed, and another Anna appeared. Different, yet strangely familiar. At first, I didn’t seek love, only the solace of a friend, the quiet comfort of companionship. Yet she made me smile in ways I thought were lost to me, made me feel alive again, if only for a fleeting moment. But as quickly as she lit up my world, she withdrew, leaving me in the cold shadows of uncertainty. She left me to question whether love was something I could ever truly grasp, or if I was simply doomed to be an afterthought, forever out of reach.

I am weary. Weary of the pain, weary of the loneliness that I’ve carried like an unshakable burden. It has been with me for as long as I can remember, a silent companion in my life, leaving me to wonder if anyone would ever truly see me. If I am destined to remain invisible in a world that moves too fast for someone like me. People have hurt me, abandoned me, and now, I’m afraid to love, afraid to care, because every time I open myself up, it’s as though the universe rips it away. I am left more hollow than before.

And so, I’ve decided. I will no longer protect the fragile humanity within me. I will no longer be the person who dares to hope, to feel, to love. I will become what the world has forced me to be—cold, distant, unfeeling. I will wear the darkness they’ve placed inside me like armor, for it is the only protection I have left. I will make others feel the same hollow emptiness I’ve known, the loneliness that wraps itself around me like a suffocating blanket. And in doing so, I will stop hoping for something better, because perhaps this is all I deserve—this is all life has ever offered me.

So here I stand, a creature of shadows, lost and broken. I have abandoned the last fragments of my humanity, for in this world, I’ve learned that kindness is weakness, and love is nothing more than a cruel illusion. I will walk through life alone, for I am not meant for anything else.

But maybe . Maybe i ….. idk