Why is it so hard to find someone who's looking for more than just sex?

I'm a 30 years old male and I got divorced 2 years a go after 10 years after being married. I decided to find someone after 2 years of self-discovery, I’ve been on and off dating apps for a while now, and one thing I can’t wrap my head around is why it feels nearly impossible to find someone who’s genuinely interested in something deeper. Don’t get me wrong—physical attraction is important, but for me, real connection comes from understanding someone, having meaningful conversations, and growing together.

I’ve tried being upfront about this in my profile, stating that I’m looking for someone intelligent and emotionally mature, someone who values deep conversations and personal growth. But when I do, it’s crickets. No one reaches out.

The frustrating part? If I change my profile to seem like I’m only looking for something casual, suddenly my inbox is flooded. Why does it have to be like this?

To me, sex without understanding or connecting with the other person is just a waste of energy. It’s not something I can share with just anyone, because I feel it loses its meaning and power when there’s no deeper connection behind it.

I’ve also tried meeting people face to face, but it feels like the same story there—people are just out to have fun. I’ve gone to board game nights, museum tours, Meetups, you name it—anywhere I thought I might find someone who values intellect and thoughtful conversation. But even in those spaces, it’s hard to find someone genuinely looking for a deeper connection.

Oddly enough, the people I’ve found I can truly connect with are those in nursing homes or palliative care—people who are near the end of their lives. They’re the ones who are willing to reflect deeply, share wisdom, and engage in meaningful conversations. It’s humbling, but also disheartening, to realize that these are the rare moments where I find the kind of connection I’m searching for in everyday life.

I believe relationships should be about building each other up, challenging each other to grow, and supporting one another to reach our hidden potential. But how do you find someone who shares that perspective when the dating culture seems so focused on the surface level?

If anyone has been through the same thing or has advice, I’d love to hear your perspective. Am I asking for too much, or is there hope for finding something meaningful in this sea of distractions?