Why do you exist, outside of work?

This question has repeatedly come into my mind recently and I need to let it out.

I don't have a high paying job, or anything to be proud of, quite the opposite. When I reflect on wtf I'm doing it's never work related. I am creative, my work seems to genuinely please people and surprise them with something they've not seen before. I wonder how much of me is that, is it a fleeting skill that's easily forgotten or is it my legacy?

On the flipside the people I care about / speak to often don't ask to see any new stuff I've made, I have to show them. The people that have blown me away with feedback and compliments are people from social media. So, I feel like I'm serving social media when I wish I had people who could show interest IRL. Everyone needs a bit of validation. I am quite solitary, autistic and struggle socially but I do want to socialise, likely explains the thoughts..

What drives you to, breathe?

Some days I go to the gym after I've had an awful day, ruminating on everything possible. I'm am very strong (actually), and sometimes just before a heavy lift I will think to myself "This is what you are good at, this is you, this is easy" Some mantra like that, and I'll smash whatever weight I've put on. It's partly what has inspired these thoughts, that mantra of telling myself "this is what you are good at" whilst doing a seemingly insignificant task, pushing a weight. It keeps me going though, a driving force.

At the end of this convoluted philosophical question my answer to you / myself is: I excel at weightlifting and being creative in my field, and that's it.

Weight lifted. Thank you.