Why am I idolizing this specific person for Years?

Ok so I am female 25y and I idolize this older woman who i known for years since i was little(she works at my ex doc) and I can say that im obsessed over this woman like when i see her i literally started to shake and im like wtf and so happy to see her idk she has so positive energy and she once told me im dear to her… its really deep emotional connection.. idk how to explain this,but i lost mother figure as a kid so this could be connected? I saw some posts about this and it so creepy how well this people describe this feeling… Also when i see her i want to talk to her and say Hello,but at the same time im anxious like i seen god lol… u know when u want to know everything about that person cuz u are looking to her Does anyone relate to this? And how is it called? Thanks