When Does Life Ever Give You a Break?

It’s the new year and I thought things would get better after a terrible year that was 2024 but no I can’t seem to break my streak of bad luck. I have to go in for an endoscopy in two weeks as the doctor wants to rule out cancer in my stomach; I do have a small tumor as well as an enlarged lymph node that’s been swollen for 10 months.

This is in tandem of how I acquired a full time job and my first full time job in my field of environmental sciences working as an environmental educator/wetland scientist only for my career to be totally put to a halt after I developed strep and appendicitis leaving me hospitalized for over a week. I was then later on when I returned to work was fired at the end of July for not only my medical situation but also me being autistic seemed to be a problem with others when it was barely a problem. Now going on 5-6 months of unemployment I can’t even gain meaningful employment again and this job market absolutely sucks. Unemployment ran out in September and only thing keeping me afloat financially is taking out personal loans I drew out just to pay rent and bills the during unemployment plus I had help from my Mom who I will more than likely be moving back in with by end of February when my apartment lease ends just to regroup and come up with a plan. I can’t seem to do job interviews these days as I used to no matter how much I practice or adjust the ways I communicate to employers that they do not want to give me a chance because I seem bit different. I’ve been discriminated by a few employers being told things like “you aren’t being selected because you can’t articulate enough” or “you have an employment gap and that raises red flags for us.”

All of this has hurt my self esteem during my time of unemployment sooo much that I’ve sought therapy and psychiatry and I’m glad I did as my mental health is under control. I did stop applying for jobs between October and beginning of December due to the lack of confidence and sheer disappointment within myself thinking who the hell is going to hire someone who is autistic in the first place? Then mid December comes around where I go to the doctor because I’m having stomach issues go in and have a CT scan and sure enough a tumor is found.

Sorry about all this I know that was a lot but it makes me wonder how do I get out of this domino type affect and just have people believe in me again? It’s been such a rough patch that I can’t seem to get out of completely.