what do you do when you feel life is against you?

what the title says. i feel like i’m stuck in constant limbo. i 23F graduated last july and still haven’t been able to find employment. i feel like such a loser even though im trying. i’m really really trying.

i usually have a great relationship with my mother but as of late she’s been so horrible to me, starting on me for nothing, telling me to shutup! she would come home and randomly ask have you got a job yet, knowing life doesn’t work like that… i’ve told her that’s not helpful or encouraging when she does stuff like that, she listened and did it again and we don’t talk anymore and i was so su1c1dal about it. i’m not bothered anymore tbh.

but i feel like i’m trying so hard in that aspect, i’ve had an underbite as well and im awaiting surgery and it has been the bane of my existence. i’ll be honest in saying ive had and still do get attention but i just can’t help but see myself as horrid, not only that but ive also had personal random issues where it feels like my body is working against me.

my dad is also going through health issues that he needs daily care for and ive been having thoughts of me being a shit daughter because i get tired of having to do things daily. then i think about him actually going through this and it makes me bawl.

i also tried to speak to my friends about my mental health (which i never do), and said VERBATIM i wanted to k/m/s and she was telling me to get out that mindset and go for a walk… she then ghosted me after me opening up but on a group chat we are in together immediately became active when someone else was speaking, and me wanting to k/m/s clearly meant jack shit.

idk i think i just feel very alone and like a failure if im honest. i feel like life is working against me and i often find myself crying through most of the day. i ask myself will i ever progress in life? will i ever find someone to love me? why do good things always happen to those around me and never me? i’m confused and angry at life. i guess im wondering if it ever gets better. if you read this far thank you. i am just really really losing hope.