Turning Seventeen

Turning Seventeen

This year, in about a month, one week and a day I’ll be seventeen. This is genuinely scares the shit out of me. I feel as though I’ll have one more year to be a full teen, to be free until it is all over.

Even silly things, like having crushes on teenage fictional characters gets me, because they don’t grow with me. They stay at the age they’re at. While I’m the one that’s growing up. So it’ll be weird to still have crushes on them, right? (I know it sounds crazy, but genuinely that is a fear of mine, like, if I end up still having a crush on a teen character as a-soon- eighteen year old.)

I remember having this same exact dilemma when I was 12 about growing up, I reassured myself that I have about six years unto savor my youth… That flew by like crazy, and now I’m damn near eighteen. My heart is racing, and my anxiety is filled to the brim.

I notice that I spend a lot of my time in my head too, I feel as though I’ve wasted most of my teen years. I’ve been stuck in bed for the last two years, (I blame that on my parents. But that’s a complicated and complex matter I won’t delve into.) I just… it’s really driving me crazy. These are the last times that I’ll be in the sweet-spot between teenage hood and adulthood…