Today is my birthday (31F) and all I want is redemption

I have no one to wish me , today is my birthday, I'm turning 31. I must say I destroyed my life by being a bad person during my late twenties, I used to be rude and it got me a lot of bad consquences, till I got bad mouthed so much, it did make me lose two jobs opportunities in my fields.

Ever since, I have been trying to be kinder, more calm, but nothing is going my way anymore, it almost feels like when I was a horrible person,everything was fine and I wasn't punished at all, but since my 29 YO I decided to change, and ever since, nothing good happens to me.

My mom have cancer, I lost my job in June, I'm alone , no more friends, I just feel like fading away from this life, I hate it so much, I was born because my brother back then felt alone and wanted a sister or bro to have fun with, I'm just like a toy in this world

All I wish is redemption, something that will allow me to be forgiven and given a last chance by my people to live again.