1 week ago
19
I have always questioned what life is all about, why we are here, and how I can live a fulfilling life. Were we just put here to suffer and then die? Many things happening in society just don’t make sense to me. I am appalled by society's moral decay, the death of family values, the craze for social media fame, likes, and subscriptions, the narcissism and materialism of the world, and the overall superfluity of life today. I just want a simple yet meaningful and fulfilling life. Like it’s the 80s or 90s: I want to fall in love and be loved.
Because:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
At this point in my life, I have my priorities straight. I now know exactly what I want from life and what will bring me everlasting happiness. I love the simple things — laughing, cooking, having home dinners with family and friends, helping others grow, mentoring, home parties with games, quiet moments to myself, in my thoughts, walks under the moonlit skies, a quiet evening at home, the gentle cuddles of a loving partner, watching the sunset, a good meal, a walk by the beach, and creating simple, sweet, unforgettable memories. I deeply enjoy the peace, comfort, and reassurance of being around a loving partner. That gentle reminder that this right here is home and nothing else matters but us and what we do and achieve together. No competition, no jealousy, no ego and pride, no anger or hate, no fears of losing each other, no “me vs you”. Us.
I dream of the whole package in life: Picture a small beautiful dream and cozy house with lots of space and a backyard, a family with adorable, happy, and well-raised kids running around, a happy beautiful wife, and overall, a beautiful, loving, and happy family, with lots of love and laughter. Growing old together. Ultimately, this is the most important and precious thing in life. This is a life worth living, far beyond pursuing wealth, status, titles, fame, etc. My family should be my priority and ultimate responsibility in every aspect and I want a woman who shares this mindset. I work hard but my hard work and ambition aren’t just to have money (I don’t need much money for myself, I don’t have many responsibilities, and I am not materialistic. Fancy things such as cars, jewelry, shoes, and clothes do not impress me). I aim to achieve financial freedom solely so I can have much more time with my family, provide a comfy life, afford a dream home with comfortable living spaces and beautiful play areas, and be able to eliminate the stress and tension that come with financial worries. Also, as a man, working hard and achieving goals adds meaning and purpose to my life. And I would love someone who encourages me with words of affirmation, even though I need to encourage myself more. I don't like just sitting around doing nothing. At the same time, pursuing financial freedom shouldn’t jeopardize quality family time or time with my loved ones. I want to have a traditional family unit with a modern twist. This means that I don’t expect my wife to do all the housework and childcare. I don’t want to just throw money at her and sit back. These are also my responsibilities. So it is normal to share house chores, cooking, and other such endeavors, especially if she has a career.
I would love a partner to share love, comfort, memories, and life with. I want to have family breakfasts, enjoy family dinners, pick up my kids from school, cook dinner together with my woman while dancing in the kitchen, adore and appreciate my woman, and read bedtime stories to my children, I want to be that couple who hold each other in the living room and slowly dance to evening love songs, I want to cuddle her and kiss her neck as we dance, dance that very slowly turns intimate, with touching, kissing, and slow passionate lovemaking, with the background music still playing, just have pillow talk, and kiss my wife goodnight every day, I want to put up Christmas decorations with her and wrap our children’s gifts together. To go and countdown on New Year’s Eve while holding hands. I want to wake up every morning loving life without complaints, appreciating what I have, and thanking God for life. I want to train, nurture, and watch our beautiful children and someday hold my wife and share a cry of joy as we watch our babies fade into the sunset of adulthood and college, knowing that we raised them to be the best society can offer, capable of handling all that comes their way and trusting us to be there for them in the inevitable challenges of their teenage years. I want my wife to be my partner in crime. My most trusted confidant, whom I can rely on 100% to handle our affairs when I am not around and vice versa because I believe in her abilities and intelligence. She should be the one I run to for advice and counsel when I am stuck. She should be the one I count on to manage and advise on our finances and she will reign as queen over our affairs at home, with my healthy support, and be by me as I strive to put food on our table, and a shelter over our head and to provide and protect our household.
I want us to be that old couple walking down the street holding hands, sitting at the park feeding the pigeons, or helping each other pick groceries. I want to be that couple who still makes jokes at each other and laughs even in their 80s, who welcomes their children and grandchildren during Christmas and other holidays and have a blast telling them stories of their lives—the same old stories they've already told a million times.
To achieve this, I need to trust my woman enough to completely lay down my guard, be myself, and be completely vulnerable and emotionally available. To listen to her needs love her dearly and always reassure her of this love. I need to learn to communicate better, uplift her, openly praise the great things about her, and support her endeavors. I need to seek help for any issues that might sabotage our relationship. And learn to set boundaries when I need them and respect her boundaries when they are set. I need to take action to make our relationship better: Buy her flowers, plan dates, organize fun events, prepare surprises, and do other things that show her how much I am committed to making our relationship grow and our bond stronger and bring liveliness to the relationship. She shouldn't carry all the burden of making our relationship work.
Family means the world to me, coming from what I think is one of the best families ever. I want to start my own and be an even better father and husband than my father was. He was the best father in the world. I draw inspiration from him and many father figures in my life. I want to be a dad, not just a father and I want to be a husband, I don’t want to just get married or have a wife. I want to contribute to the world by raising children with strong moral principles. Children who do not add to the suffering of the world but grow to be men and women of strong values. Who live a life that has depth in a world that is plagued by the constant pursuit of superficial things. A world full of deceit and evil. Who grow to be good people, worthy of respect and honor, and who treat others with dignity. Children that others will say of them, “You are a good person”.
Finding the right person takes time, and I’m okay with that. Once I find someone reciprocating my love and who shares this vision, I will be locked in and will give her all the assurance she needs to feel secure and safe in our relationship. I will never let go when trouble comes but try to find solutions instead. I understand just how important open communication is in that difficult moment. I understand just how precious reassurance is to the peace and well-being of my woman. Not just verbal reassurance. Reassurance also shows through actions and even in day-to-day conversations. Referring to “us” and “our”, not “me” and “my” when having discussions. Reassurance gives her the peace and comfort needed to stay happy and grounded in what we have. It also makes her feel that this right here is home for her and I am not going anywhere. It makes her free to let go knowing that I am hers and nothing will change. It takes away her anxiety and best of all, it makes me love her even more. She should never question her place and worth in my life. The best lessons are learned from bitter experiences.
I do not find pleasure in wild adventures such as partying, clubbing, getting drunk cheap flings, or other things that complicate my life. I don’t smoke, do drugs, get drunk, or pursue casual intimacy, and I vow to myself to never cheat on my partner as this is one of the very few sins that I can't forgive in a relationship. I am also taking the time to understand my emotions and personality through reading, watching videos, and therapy so that I will be a well-rounded man who understands his mind, personality, and emotions and how to treat a woman the best way possible.
In a relationship, I know that I should be able to change certain habits or ways of doing things that my partner finds unappealing and I expect the same from her. However, I should accept them for who they are, not try to bend them to a version of themselves that they hate. I always envision a good couple building each other up in terms of personalities and habits. Such things should be communicated more romantically and affectionately in a way that uplifts her, makes her feel appreciated and loved, and strengthens our bond rather than in a critical manner.
What makes me happy? Simple things like breakfast together, sharing tea or coffee in our home, goofy jokes, sharing silly memes, checking in and supporting one another (something I need to get better at), new experiences, thoughtful surprised gifts, the outdoors during sunny days, the indoors during stormy days, hanging out with family and friends, trips to natural destinations, sharing a home-cooked dinner with friends and family, having a sense of purpose, making a positive impact on those around me, passionate love-making, and treating others with respect and dignity.
I love good food and enjoy cooking together with my woman with some background music. A movie night with popcorn, cuddled in a blanket - and being in that moment, not in my head, a competitive bowling session, and many such simple activities that build bonding and relaxation. I need to get out of my head more often, enjoy these present moments, and worry less about the future, and other things that I have no control over.
I am learning to set and enforce boundaries when I need them to sort my thoughts and do so in a way that doesn’t leave my partner alienated or anxious about my commitment to her. I often felt like, setting boundaries was punishing my partner and cutting her off from myself. Like putting her in a cage and locking her away. Boundaries are very important for regaining one's composure and lead to clearer and better-thought-out communication. Because I saw boundaries as something bad, I was also terrible at respecting them because they felt like I was being exiled or cast away.
I am financially stable with a good career. Beyond my job, I am working on other endeavors that I hope will someday generate income to supplement my salary and make me more financially free. I hope to keep building these, and hopefully, my efforts will pay off. I would love a partner who has hobbies and supports such endeavors, either by encouraging me or supporting me in other ways. Words of affirmation can go a long way.
The things I truly value are good moral principles, integrity (especially with money. I can't trust people whom I can't trust with money and I trust too easily), honesty, commitment (I demand more of this from myself too), and fairness ⚖️. I would like someone with similar values and principles. Many relationships today are centered around who makes more money, who has what, and couples actively planning how to get out of the relationship with the most shit. Who keeps the pet, owns the house, and has custody. These stories and accompanying vengeful behaviors make me feel hopeless sometimes, but there is hope. I want someone who doesn't care about things like this. Someone who's not planning an exit strategy, who is not overly materialistic and showy. Someone I can trust with my life's worth without fear of ending up on the streets or losing my kids. Someone who after the worst fight can still reconcile, laugh about it, and love each other even more. Not someone who holds grudges, is vindictive and always planning their revenge. Someone forgiving and who can apologize and ask for forgiveness. I'd forgive almost anything the first time if my partner explained themselves and asked for forgiveness.
I hope she’s simply a good person who treats others with dignity, respect, and politeness, regardless of their social status or what they look like. I hate it when people look down on others. Someone who thanks the waiter for their service and helps the elderly or handicapped who are struggling or need help. Someone who tips the crippled by the road and makes friends with the stranger. Someone who sees the good in humanity and doesn't assume the worst of people.
The other quality I look for is someone who doesn’t buy into the idea of fairytale love like in Cinderella and the couples you see on social media. Those are not real. True love sometimes feels boring but still feels assured and safe. It is more calm and grounded in reality. It requires effort, initiative, and trust. Taking the initiative to do things that make us happy, have fun and bond more is something I have also failed at in the past. To organize date nights, and go out more for simple walks, to get rid of my phone and electronics during our time together, to find and play fun games, to be playful and goofy, not to take life too seriously, and not work so hard all the time, to go on road trips or weekends away, to lay my guards down, get out of my head and be present in all of this. I now know better from experience, my past failures, and therapy.
True love fails sometimes and has flaws. It gets hard sometimes; picture a crying and sick baby, mental health issues, a sick partner, accidents, unforeseen disasters. Love goes through the storms without giving up. Sometimes, we fight and get at each others’ throats and get nasty. Love is being able to beg for forgiveness and forgive and keep loving even more without holding grudges. It is supportive of each other, being there in the thick and the thin without giving up, it seeks solutions to problems not a way out. It is not distracted by external forces or influences, it praises and uplifts each other rather than criticizes. True love is holding hands and walking down the street together when we are old and gray - or bald in my case (I love seeing old couples together), dying together with a smile on our faces knowing that we gave it our all and overcame all the ups and downs.
In the end, I just want to fall in love. The old kind of love and live a simple, happy life away from all the chaos of cities, the madness of social media, and the confusion of modern society.
This will give my life the ultimate happiness, meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. It will be a life well lived and I’d die a happy man!!
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