The fact that I'm still alive is the most surreal nightmare to me.

It really feels like things should've ended for me at least 10 years ago. The fact that I'm still here palpably feels like a mistake. It's like I'm a forgotten toy that somebody forgot to put away, only for it to roll out of sight into some dark, unseen corner. Smothered in dust and silence, while staring out an unrecognizable, and disgustingly unapproachable world. The credits ought to have rolled on my life a long time ago, but they didn't. Somebody was supposed to come pick me up and take me home, but they didn't. Nothing elicits more raw horror in me than reckoning with the fact that life passed me by in an instant, and how all that remains is the blurry afterimage. Day after day I stare at a world in which nothing about it feels right and/or familiar, in even the slightest degree. This is some Clockwork Orange type shit for sure.