Study for obedience. Wtf

Study for obedience

Obedience Pg num and quote: “With perfect obedience” pg 2 line: 12

Entirety of page 2 and 3 is obedience

“I came to stay in the house upon his request” page 5 line 10

“I left quietly” page 7 line 6

“Of course! I said, nearly shouting into the phone. When have i ever denied him.” Page 10 line 2

“I sat in silence, recalibrating my approach to my brother” page 14

“More subtle matters of the mind” page 14 / “i did not ask for these confessions, i did not welcome them, i merely sat in silence receiving them” page 15

“From a long way, I could identify a certain disposition, a slight lean to the left or something in the shoulder, i saw the annihilating confession approaching, and it fixed me in place” page 15

“I never knew what he did with the life i brought to him, And i did bit ask, just merely watched” page 22

“I had made an essential error when organizing my consciousness early on in my life, my brothers claims explained, and this was by entertaining the idea that it was reasonable for me to form my own judgments about the world” page 24

“In the skin of a sister… it became me… perhaps in time my brother too became scholarly” page 25

“One act of defiance” page 41

“My obedience had been rewarded” page 70

“Of a life of obedience” page 59

“First act of disobedience” page 77

Page 92

“Withdraw my obedience” page 104

“My obedience itself had taken on some…..” page 118

“How i had been obedient” page 130

Eradication Pg num and quote: Pg 1 line 1: “it was the year the sow eradicated the sow”

Page 20 about eradicating chores

“Eradicate my pride” page 26

“Stopped by total annihilation” page 70

“Extermination of the cows” page 129

“Self annihilation” page 175

“Surest and swiftest route to ones own eradication” page 175

“Wind blew” page 176 Wind Pg num and quote “East wind” page 1 line 5 “Fresh air” page 5 line 19

“Wet spring air” page 12

“Air suggesting ice”

“Trees swaying mutely”

“Whenever the wind blew smoke back down the chimney” page 30

“Crooked pines blow in the wind” page 32

“For one thing, there was the wind” page 45

“The spot was protected and after the sound of the wind” page 46 - 47

“That sound, that rushing, it is the wind,” Page 54

“In the wind” page 100

“What blood feeds a soil like that? Overhead, the leaves trembled in the breeze” page 125

Page 170

“The wind came across the moor” page 175

Interesting lines: “When i exited the automatic doors of the airport, the navigation of which took me some time since the sensors did not at first register my movement, however exaggerated” page 10 line 18

All of page 26 cause wtf

Page 29 Page 31

Page 33 LOL

Page 57: “I would do him proud” That familiar sense of “i owe it to him” despite them wronging you. Yes she is living in his big ahh house but not out of kindness, only as a trade deal. A house for a service. A maid. Before this and during this he wrongs her, in childhood, crushing her sense of self.

Page 105 “In in the world of creation nothing stayed still”

“Perfect obedience to gravity” Page 157

Page 127

Thoughts Page 30-33: She is traumatized by the events of her past and cannot belueve her current peaceful ideal life is permanent or real. Her mind molded into a piece of constant terror feels terror even in her new found peace

Page 45: Kinda confirms shes the type person who thinks way too much. Her new living environment changes this for sum reason

She is dizzied by all the changes in nature she observes day by day and that shows she was always stagnant

46 Although she walks in the forest daily she feels estranged from it, as though she is separated from it completely, an outsider looking in, as she has been throughout her life. This forest represents how shes gone through life. As an outsider, always looking in and thinking to herself, always believing or preparing for the worst

56-57

She rly likes organized things. She loves the town from a distance because of how organized she says. I interpret that as how predictable it is. She said she memorized the days of work, rests, feats, market days, etcetc, of that town. To her it must feel like a game of clash of clans ir campfire 2. Probably campfire 2. You know when ppl will come out, who, where theyll go, what job they’ll work, how they feel, what there good at. Its orderly. Even the occasional disorder when a stray wolf gets past the hunters and into the down is orderly because it is expected to happen here and there. Of course in campfire 2 i know all this because i set those villagers to do those things and ik there stats but she knows it from observation. This is another example of her looking outwards ig? Observing the town not in obedience like in childhood or for obedience, but out of curiosity and eventually love for its order

Page 59: She says there is so much people have to live up to in terms of doing good deeds. So many that you cant reasonably expect them to. And the failure to do these things becomes a metonymy, meaning to refer to something using a word tbat describes one of its qualities. The crown is the quality of a king/kingdom/royal family so swearing allegiance to the crown is a metonymy as you refer to the previously listed royal things as one of their qualities, the crown. The author is essentially telling us that the failures we have (either in terms of good deeds or jst in general) become a metonymy for us, we are see as our failures, it secretly defines us to an extent by those around us. The church, she says, is different. Though she may not be religious it is a place where these failures are assumed. Everyone in the church is christian and believes and activity admit that they themselves begin for sin or in this context failure. So while one is still defines by their failure the church is a place where this is almost a good thing, or is rather an accepted thing. You walk in the church and those around you EXPECT the failure and you expect theres because it is a place to take these failures and uproot them.

Page 60:

Brother told sister that she could perhaps for once involve herself in things around her. Again pointing to her being someone whos always inside her own head thinking too much be it about others or herself but never getting close no matter the interest she finds just as she handled her love for the down but her refusal to go down to it until needed

Page 62:

The rise of cafes, there fall, and there rise once again. This new rise coming from a craving of nostalgia according to our narrator. The yearning for a landline, the want for a video store smell, etc etc. She observes this inside herself and states she desperately wants to sit within it but doesn’t have the confidence. She explicitly states she doesn’t have the confidence. She says she views it from the outside appearing as a haven from the age of anxiety.

Page 66: She thinks she deserves to die over nothibg 🤣😭😭😭👽😭

Page 78: Big topic coming in swing full detail. RACSIM AGAINST JEWS. They all assumed she was good at money what in da family guy on gang

Page 82:

She isnt NOT the mc she says. She cant figure out how to live her own life. Not like living in other’s vicariously but just living by the STANDARDS of others

83-85

She details how when someone who shows her any level of kindness. Even the bare minimum. She becomes devoted to them. This probably shows how in her home life she was always “wrong” and in probably most her life in general she was “wrong” so to hear someone, anyone, say a positive about her to any level mustve been amazing.

97-100: Her job or volunteer job makes her very happy. It’s scooping up shit but yet it allows her to feel useful. It allows her to feel like the area shes living in, that she is enjoying throughly, wasnt just handed to her but given. If i need to expand more on this later, page 66 where she thinks she deserves to die for writing her name on the volunteer form explains her mentality here exactly I think?

108:

Confirms she believes she needs to kill her pride, kill her sense of self, kill her self love and respect. Ego death

Page 109-110

The author reflects on the limitations of modern progress, the hollowness of relying solely on knowledge, and the exploitation within societal systems. They contrast this with a more grounded, familial view of the world, suggesting that modernity's promises—choice, individuality, and progress—are often vain and superficial compared to deeper connections and truths.

109-112

It appeares she has had a break thru in her thinking. Near the end if 112 she literally says acquired the ability to think again. While she is a big thinker already i think this means her break thru from 109-111 has let her see that ego death is a bad thing

Page 118- 120

It finally kinda hit her that not everything has to do w her. Maybe the silence in the cafe predated her arrival. Kinda like how ppl w/ social anxiety seem to think every chuckle, every laugh, every whisper, is about then.

121:

She pointed to a moms drink and weirdly the mom cries. It felt like i missed like a billion chapters but i assume they all think she a witch or sum. Either way our mc didnt care. Character development. So far this whole book as been her journey. Validating, finding, and consolidating her ego, her sense of self. She finally asks. “What have i done wrong.” And to that no answer can be given but nothing.

Page 128:

Rmbr all that built up, what do you call it? Courage? Her newly born ego? Well it mightve just been smashed. It probably began when she had to leave the cafe, right after her new ego was finally complete, it began to be damaged. It was essentially confirmed that the townspeople fear her in a sense. And when they were throwing her dolls away? It confirmed it to her. They hated her. It did concern her, the silence was of her doing

Page 130:

Well yea she jst said she should always remain “outside” (outsider looking in). The cafe, the poip shovelling, the kindness to others, were all her attempts at going in. And she got rejected

Page 130:

Shes still going to the farm tho. Desperately wanting to prove to her brother that she got it alllll in control. She wants to prove to him thats shes quote “been obedient”. She definitely craves validation from big bro

135:

She is SO obedient to her brother wtf. As she said early in the story she KNOWS what he (they) need before they even say. Like she prepeared him food of his taste of his portion sizing with consideration to the fact he had jst been on a long travel

136:

She knows her brother. Anything time he is slightly suspicious that she has an ulterior motive. That she cant be THIS obedient still. She bows her head, softens her voice, and sweetens her looks

On a sad note at the end of this page she said she forgot about how the grass grows, the straw dolls she made. Basically she is saying with the return of her brother, she has reset. All the development she has undergone she claims has been forgotten. She says on quote “i tried to reach out, something I should have never done” she tried reaching out over history but realizes she shouldve stayed in. I dont think this regression will last

167: She has perfected obedience. Her brother, whatever illness had struck him, now was being cared for in excesses by her. Her perfect obedience. Her study completed. Adhering to his lack of will. But it doesnt feel like this to me. It feels like shes doing something twisted for herself. That she could not be happier at her brother’s state. Her routine and schedule built around him

181:

Taking his phone??? I get it now (i understand it now). She is intentionally or unintentionally trying to live her life through him.

Critique:

Hi guys! This is my first post here so im not too well versed in any rules, if I break one please lmk 🙏

Anyway, I just finished this book, a study for obedience, and im confused. Like really confused. Like, i enjoyed the book (i think) but, and this is coming from a grade 12 student so take this with a grain of salt, the actually writing, like the grammar, structure, flow, etc, were terrible. Super clunky sentences, I was FREQUENTLY (as in every few lines) counting sentences with 5 plus commas and wayyy too many words per comma. It felt like the author really wanted to be all mysterious, which is fine, but everything is bad in excess and it feels like a good 70% (and this is not an exaggerated figure) of the book I could not easily understand. And I dont mean like “oh i had to do an in depth analysis on a few sentances”. No, I mean like every few sentences and sometimes every other sentence the author shoved as many metaphors, symbols, overly complicated words that didnt add to the story or sentence, commas, sometimes bad grammar (I think), and more.

This all combined to make even attempting to read this a challenge for me. To add on, not only was the grammatical structure seemingly bad for me, the stories structure was weird too. For the most part it was alright, but too often was a given point in the story riddled with side tangents and flashbacks. I understand that is an intrinsic part of the main characters Personality but coupled with the grammar discussed above and I had even more trouble reading. To give you a very-generous example of what issues were like, sentences like this were painfully frequent:

“my dog, despite it being well taken care of and looked after frequently, something I did not have the luxury of receiving frequently as a child, instead often being met with a sort of fearful distance from all those around me, perhaps due to my quiet nature, often preferring to stay inside myself rather then dare to venture outwards. I mean, it’s safer to simply observe and learn what others want, to live in complete servitude of others. Was often hungry, always looking at the food I was given.”

Now I dont know if I expressed what I was reading correctly in the paragraph I threw up. But the writer kept doing what I did above, having the main point (we’ll call A) in a sentence and having every letter in the alphabet in between A and the conclusion of the main point (B). Couple that with metaphors and symbols which are 100% used in excess. An amount I could never hope to replicate in the paragraph above, so I just opted to omit them. And words which I didnt even know existed. Like I like to think I have a decent vocabulary, more intuitive then anything, but these words the author threw around, again, in excess, made it impossible for me to read.

I did actually finish the book just now and, side note, it’s 6 am and im on my 2nd cup of coffee so forgive any grammar mistakes I make in this post.

For anyone thats read the book, PLEASE help me understand what I read. I know the book has ties to antisemitism but from what I see other people online saying the ties to antisemitism are wayy more then I was able to pick up on. I understand most of it is implicitly stated with how the townsfolk treat the MC but for me, in the context of the story, the main thing the author was trying to showcase with the dislike for the MC was her personality, her beliefs. What she thought and how it affected others. And how her thought process could be completely wrong. How her personality wasnt a deterrent and it was simply her imagination. This part of the story I liked. It was really interesting. I like how for a VERY brief period, the MC seemed to be recovering from what I’ll call her “ego death”. The death of her sense of self which occurred early into childhood it seems. She seemed to have faced a realization (one which for the reasons previously mentioned I could not fully interpret), which put her in a mindset of “maybe the silence when I walk into a cafe existed before me”. Only then to be shattered when she found this wasn’t the truth (it was cause she’s jewish right?). She then regrets ever tryna be “open” and comes to the conclusion she can only exist “closed” from everyone, away, outside looking in. I did like this part, her personality and beliefs were very fun to see and I was able to understand I think around 70% of her. Again for the rest of the story, 🤷‍♂️.

Some of the things I didnt understand off the top of my head

• she mentioned for a period of time in her life she wanted to help ppl, I didnt understand if she was like a suicide hotline type person or something?

• that bit about the 14 year old on a hospital bed right after, which is then followed by her hating on men. Felt like I missed a page. Did these men, or this one guy she was describing, do something to this 14 year old. Was it simply a like imagination thing she made us see for the sake of explaining her mind at the time?

• wtf happened to the brother. He got sick, then the sister basically took over his life in a really creepy way. Surprisingly it was creepy enough to give me a bit of that horror thrill though it was unintended I believe. Something about how she pretend to be obedient in my mind but this is exactly how she wants to live her life. A perfect schedule around someone else. Getting to talk to and interact with the dog. Putting all her energy in someone who doesnt speak back. Part of me thinks she poisoned him??

• whatttt was that church scene. The little pig heads??? Like okay. So she is on a walk for wtv reason, reaches the top of a hill (?) if I remember. Is then approached by 2 ppl from the town wearing white. For some reason, unless I missed a page of a paragraph, she starts leading THEM to the church as if they’re lost??? Like how did she know where they wanted to go no words were or could be exchanged. And then even though shes leading them it feels like the author meant to say they led her? Then she is presented with her little straw men she made (ik its not straw but oh well) and other things of significance like the sows dead children, why??? The ewes dead lamb too for some reason. It felt like a dream segment.

• she briefly mentioned a ruined carved above their door. Never brought up again

• wtf was up with the women and her dog? So our MC decides the best course of action is to just lie and agree with the women that her dog was impregnated by the castrated bert, this makes sense with our MC’s personality and thoughts at the time but why did this make the women and dog stop talking. Completely ignoring our MC’s presence. Our MC who then goes on feeling bad that she destroyed this womens world view, or infringed upon it, or something like that?? How?? It doesnt make sense i genuinely think I read it wrong

Anyway yea confusing book. Needed to rant. I like talking about stuff I read, I did actually enjoy this all things aside. I really liked 2 things in particular. Early in the book the love she has for the village and its order from afar. I can only imagine it felt like Clash of Clans or any other similar simulation type of game. Being able to observe a town from afar. Maybe sims? Being but with less control. Knowing exactly when work starts, when it ends, feats, celebrations, etc. i also LOVED her thoughts on the church. I am in no ways religious but the perspective was so cool to me. People are associated with their failures all too often. It Becomes a metonymy (my favourite new word picked up from the book) for that person. In church however, this is all expected and accepted and wanted. It is a place where the ground assumption is that your very first moments of existence are failure (sin) and this is a place to be cleansed of that failure. Thats why everyone is there. And therefor it is not a thing to be shamed Of.

Thanks for reading my ted talk. Lmk if my thoughts on the book are mine alone. And if possible please try helping in the clarification of wtv I just read