Sometimes i just don't want to exist

First, I'm 16 i'm still kinda young, i live in south east asia, i live in a rural area, and i would say i have s decent life. My family is just about lower middle class or just middle middle class. But that's not what this is about, this is about how i view life. And second, what made me want to say something about this is how important money is and i kinda don't like it.

Ok ok here's the story for context, i saved up some money from my school allowance(don't know if that's the right term) and i decided to spend most of it, on what? Skincare... I'm a teen and my appearance matters to me. Ok my first point, isn't life about living, so does it matter if i want to look good? I mean i can afford it and i can do it then why not? Different things matter to different people, that's ok right? And about acceptance, i mean yes i know I'm insecure but is it bad that i decided that rather accepting it i decided i want to look better?

But most importantly is my second point, money. Why does it seem our purpose in life is just to chase money? Back to the my situation, after buying it online i thought to myself,,," i spent money", "is that okay?". I mean, I don't have dreams in life, i just to live and feel happy. I don't specifically want to be happy but contented.

Ok ok here's my real dilemma, shouldn't i have fun as a kid and as a teen? Highschool is almost over, im kindof a late bloomer so people younger than me experienced more things than me because i really didn't do much. Because of that i feel underwhelmed and pressured because im almost an adult. It's seems day by day time goes faster and faster and it kinda scares me. But i wouldn't say i envy them but i feel like i did nothing in my childhood and teen life, but honestly i think i still have more time as a teen.

Again about money, after ordering the skincare products, i bought a couple of products so it's kinda expensive but i can afford it. After ordering i thought shouldn't i be saving instead? For my future? Then I looked at some reddit posts about spending as a teenager and most of their responses is that you should save as much as possible for my future and invest. For me i don't have much opportunity to earn money i kinda just rely on my school allowance and rarely i get paid for rasing chickens( we have a small poultry, each month we raise about 1k chickens, but business is kinda slow now, especially since our main source of income "pigs" died, so i kinda don't wanna ask for money even if i earned it) and i don't really know how to invest and not sure if i can.

Im kinda just saying some pointless stuff now😭😭, apologies. Motherfuckerr,,, im so so so so so sorry, I've been writing this for so long that i had so much time to think, know i just so confused cause now i got i totally different idea, i don't want to waste so ehem. i just wanted to say that if it's okay to spend on myself while i'm a teen, because I'm just gonna be chasing money for the rest of my life after i graduate. 😭😭😭 I so sorry. Btw i've been writing this for like 30minutes, now i lost my passion that i had when i wnated to write about it😭😭😭