I (24 F) am seriously debating dropping out of my graduate program. I’m currently in my second semester of graduate school studying anthropology (the study of humans: archeology, ethnography, linguistics, evolution etc) and I’m specializing in ethnobotany (basically how humans use plants). For my thesis I’m writing an ethnobotanical study in collaboration with the Comanche Nation and I hope to use this information for cultural heritage preservation, species conservation, and to create more inclusive interpretive materials at state and national parks which traditionally exclude Native American perspectives. all these goals are supported by the tribal members i’m working with. For context i am white and i fully recognize and try my best to respect the history of my discipline and the wrongs that have been done to minority groups by anthropologists in the past and do everything in my power to recognize the power dynamics and not to exploit them. this history also makes it harder as a white researcher bc people are (VERY FAIRLY) hesitant to share cultural information with me even when i make it explicit that i will only ever publish information with their approval but this makes me feel at times that i should just butt out and mind my own business. I am extremely passionate about peoples connection to their environment and believe that knowledge of and respect for the world (plants 🌿🌿) around us is the key to happiness and lack of all that is why so many of the issues in the world today exist which is why i’m studying all this in the first place. Here’s the problem: I was so excited to start this program and now I am the most unhappy I’ve ever been in my life. I hate the schedule grad school imposes on me (aka no regular schedule at all bc you have to work almost constantly but in different capacities to be successful) and I feel like my work is useless and in all honesty won’t be read or contribute to any of the larger picture goals I have in mind. i don’t allow myself time to work out which has always been a part of regulating my mood bc it seems more important in the moment to finish the next homework assignment. part of these problems are inherent in the thesis i chose - being a white girl trying to help a native american nation - and part of this is inherent in graduate research - no one gives a shit about a graduate thesis. the last part is a personal issue i should probably just make time for. all i want in life is to love and protect and intimately know the beautiful world i live in and to help others appreciate and love nature but i can’t help but feeling all my efforts are useless. a masters degree will help me get a higher paying position in research management positions which is the end goal for me but i already have 2 years of experience in this field and would likely be able to get a job by working my way up the ranks. all i want to do these days is get certified to be a river rafting guide and lead tour groups on mules down the grand canyon like i did a couple years ago. im genuinely so unhappy and i cant imagine doing this for another year while i feel so useless and imposing. part of me knows that i am prone to starting things and quickly getting bored with them and that sticking it out another year is probably worth it. but is it? i’ve already done the majority of my research and interviews for my thesis and at this point just need to endure another year is misery to be done. should i stick it out?
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