Rock bottom

Rock bottom

I have hit rock bottom in my life, I had everything a beautiful son job since a kid I've been physically abused been in terrible situations to this day I left ex of 22 yrs but begun drinking alot tge last 6mths of living there under separate rooms so stupid of me, I thought my whole life was ending at time cause of other situations.

I couldn't get rental just felt like everything was going wrong my life spiralled I left son with dad so I could get place but so competitive had to move into shared place with 75 old guy, he sexually abuse me left there couldn't find a place stayed in car 2wks, found place but same thing happened with lease owner some reason these guys want to own u couldn't have anyone over he abused me, left found another place same situation I couldn't believe this was happening spent wk in car drinking, I'm 12mths sober now but my health is not good. I'm going to need surgery on my neck due to straightening of cervical spine lordosis stenosis, spondylitis stenosis but can't afford, need osopegues removed seems damaged it while drinking. Mum Waa alchololic I always said I'd never be like her and always prided myself to look after my son and give him good life which I did till 3yrs ago the last 3mths of living in the house, I did everything with him, ex Was narcissistic I couldn't bear it, we together 22yrs, I'm such a terrible mum, I speak to him once week but last 12mths I've been sober but lost all health my neck drops to the floor can't hold it up.

I can't swallow food, I had great life till 3yrs ago, get constant liquid coming up like tap in mouth need to get rid of it by spitting it out 24 7, no car cause I csnt drive it sold it, I waa such a great mum took him everywhere for 9yrs we went everywhere. When I ran away from mums to dads I was abused by stepmum for 5yrs everyday I don't know how I went to school and concentrated was forced to walk hr there and back for 4yrs it was truly horror movie, ran away from there to nan's she look after me had good life there least for 5yrs now life is living hell, my neck doesn't stay up right so many problems, I spend all day in garage sitting on chair dealing with the liquid coming in and neck, how do I get back to my old life? I've made the wrong choices I know but for 12mths I'm doing right thing but have no life anymore used to do everything go shopping sew friends how could this happen like this, I can't sjt on lounge watch TV things like that go shopping I'm stuck in prison, I keep thinking of all times I used to take son to shops let him play in play area go home cook just enjoy everything I ruined with my drinking 3 yrs ago the last 4mths of been in the house I just haven't had any luck idk life is hell!