now shes gone,my mind eye tries in vain to find her in its longings.

I’m a 27 year old male who used to be in cybercrime, never had a regular job, and have realized my life is miserable. I have no social circle/life and feel like my soul is empty. I tried finding meaning through expensive things, traveling, and relationships, but it all feels meaningless. Right now, I live with my mom and have some rental properties, which give me passive income. so i don't do anything just siting at home.

I recently quit everything, and I’m happy about it because I know people who make $50k a day but are extremely miserable, addicted to gambling, drugs,don't speak family etc. I have a lot of free time now, but the worst part is I don’t know what I want in life. I know I don’t want to work for someone and lose my freedom, but I do want to do something good and have a positive impact on people.

My previous circle was a group of cybercriminals from China and Russia, selling stolen data and other illegal stuff, but I’ve left that behind. I’ve also had many relationships with women, but they became addictive and shallow. I’ve come to realize that having a lot of women means nothing. I just want to find one real, meaningful relationship, but most of the girls I’ve met are only interested in celebrities and copying their lifestyles, which I find superficial. I value individuality and couldn’t care less about celebrities or their lives I actually think they’re miserable.

I want to start a good family and find the right woman, but it’s hard becouse when i find good soul girl i think i dont deserve her becouse what i'm doing for living . I don’t even have a CV or any social media presence, and it feels like I don’t exist online. I’m trying to find meaning in life by reading the Bible and philosophy, but I’m stuck.