Im a sixth form student, new in the country it was just 6 months in this country since i and my family came, when my father passed away. I had no idea about this country, when i struggled and handled the funeral and other stuffs. Life after losing a parent is soo different, he was under 45 years old. This incident surely changed me from being that fun lame joke cracker to this vulnerably emotional teenager. I feel like no one could console me, i am losing interest in the world day by day, talking to my friends was like a temporary solution when i pretended to be like i was earlier but now the conversation seems to be soo similar to my experiences. I think conversations about their fathers and family lives have increased, am i at fault for expecting people to be considerate? Ik that i cannot be taking everything on me but i just couldnt help it. But it hurts me. My bestfriend knows that he wasnt my biological father , but i never considered him any less than one, he was the father which i had since i was 6 and he is the person whos daughter id like to known as for the rest of my life, but her actions always seems like i shouldnt be very much affected by the incident. And its not about my bestfriend its also about my biological father, we have quite a employee and an employer relationship, i speak tk him on call frequently, well he messages me every month asking the same question (hello, how are you?). I once was out of my mind when i called him and cried, explaining that i dont feel good. He knew about the incident but he was like what happened that youre soo stressed and was like its your fault that youre sad , you could have chosen to stay with me. I dont understand, i feel soo fatherless even having a biological father alive, but at the same time people think i shouldnt be affected by my father passing away whom i really considered my father. My biological father now wants me to come to him, i explained that i cant leave my mum in a new country but he is forcing me. I dont even k ow if he really cares about me, if he does why does he not understand me or his actions sqy that.
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