Life really is pointless.

At 25, things finished for me. I’m waiting for my heart scan results to see if I’d actually be any good for anything. Trying new ventures but they keep failing, I keep burning money into trying to make more, no savings. Still living with my parents, have never had a girlfriend, nor have I tried to have one.

I don’t think I’m awkward around them in any sense, I just don’t think I’m in a good spot to have someone. Most girls I’ve talked to eventually just treat me as an option. There’s always someone richer, more attractive out there. And today’s dating market is messed up. I feel like I’ll just end up alone, things feel pointless and that I’m just waiting for the day my heart stops beating.

I don’t know what to do and how to get myself collected, I can move out but my parents need my financial and help in other aspects. They’re not too old but already have health problems. I feel like I’m suffocating every day more and more.

99.9% of the times I’ve been right about everything I’ve said and I hate it, sometimes I want to look at something and deep down I desperately wish I was wrong, but that’s not often the case. Everything I know is a curse, and the more I discover, the more pointless things feel.

Women today seem out of touch with expectations, markets seem messed up, yet it feels like others are thriving while I slowly drown. I don’t know what to do other than rant and spew what’s happening. God loves to see suffering, all my arrogance (but not really) comes from the fact that I know what will happen eventually. I wish I didn’t.