life is slow

I’m 18 years old. As a senior in high school, I feel like I have no sense of direction for my life.

TLDR: I feel like everything that “present me” has done is for “future me”. This leads “future me” into only thinking about “future future me”. How do I break out of this cycle?

I’m ENFP: an observing campaigner. A lot of reading later, it means I like to have plans, for anything.

I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to major in CS but it’s an “over saturated job market”. I’m trying to manage all my school stuff with extracurriculars, family, friends, and my health. I play video games to pass the time, and talk with friends to have fun.

Everything I do feels hollow. nothing feels truly “fun”, or “frustrating”, or anything else in particular. It’s “just life”.

All my life, I worked hard to know a lot about everything. “Did you know that the US invaded nuclear arms facilities in the Middle East, with a revolutionary computer worm?” Something like that.

I definitely don’t do anything extraordinary, nor anything unusual. I have friends, but no best friends. I have hobbies, but not because I enjoy them all. I have a schedule, but I don’t always like it.

I put purpose and future value of an activity over the short term value of it.

Constantly preparing for the future makes present life feel stagnant. Like I’m running on a hamster wheel that slowly travels through a dark void. I don’t know what’s ahead, but I just keep running.

What do I do?