7 hours ago
3
For over a decade, I have used marijuana to cope with uncontrollable negative thoughts. I'm still trying to overcome this because marijuana makes me lazy.
5 years ago, I used to hire escorts every 4-6 months. Now I don't care about having sex as much and I try to put myself out there for dating for a partner. Sadly, if anyone found out I used to see escorts, I would be judged. If I find the right person, I know she would understand.
Growing up and developing sucked. My mom died when I was 3, I grew up with autistic behavior and suffered embarrasing moments that scarred me. I wish I could have a more normal life. My brother was more disabled and he doesn't have the opportunities I have in life.
My early 20s, were a time where I was insecure about my disability. I never had the courage to initiate conversation and was a shy introvert. I suffered from low self esteem.
I want to be better to myself. I might find a good group to go to and try for other things.
Right now, I'm uncertain about my future. I want a job where I can be happy but that's hard.
All I can do is my best to love myself as much as possible. I want to cope with negative thoughts and feelings better. In such a society, that can be difficult to do sometimes.
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