Life as a loner :(

long story short im a 21 yr old female. i work as a dsp direct support profession on weekends, taking care of people who suffer with behavioral problems & disabilities. have two cars & my own crib.

overall my life has been an emotional wreck, like through it all im aware im blessed & highly favored. but it’s like im still suffering in some kind of way. i don’t let my childhood trauma affect who i am td but im in the stage of life where i fell out w people, outgrew them hell or it just don’t talk to them because they don’t have good intentions towards me.

my family isn’t the closest. for instance, me & mom never had a bond. i remained in her custody on up till about 12, her bf accidentally shot himself which lead to an eviction & us going separate ways because i didn’t wanna live with her & the bf at his mom house just cause I didn’t like him.

so i was house hopping. i can on but long story short i was in foster care until 18. this whole time life has been life’ing because i don’t talk to no one in my family ever since i moved in my own place which was at 19. I’ve been dating the same girl for the most part & she was the only closest thing to me.

now were actually done for good & it’s like i don’t have the balls to b home alone sitting around depressed. I’ve been alone all my life & knowing that someone at least have that sb to run doesn’t sit right w me.

besides working, -because i work full time on weekends. but what is there to do when u have no friends & stuff? i don’t mind sitting around peacefully going through emotions but id rather not. what can i do?