I’ve been studying abroad for over a year now, and a lot of dramatic things have happened, so I thought I’d share. I have a friend I met back in our home country—we were college classmates—and after graduation, we came to study at the same university abroad. The first semester went well. We all hung out together; even with a lot of assignments, life felt fulfilling and there wasn’t much to be unhappy about. During the second semester last year, we got closer with a group of foreign friends and often went out together. Even though they always smoke weed and drink, we had a lot of fun. It was around then that I met and dated my ex. Meanwhile, my college friend, who had a boyfriend back home, ended up hooking up with a guy in that group, even though they both already had partners. That made me start feeling a bit put off by her because, although we’d known each other for years, she wasn’t exactly a close friend I could confide in. It felt like she was more interested in the details of my life than actually caring about how I felt—more of a casual friend than a real one.
After the summer break, things changed. She seemed only interested in meeting foreign friends, and I felt like I was someone she only reached out to when she was bored. We still saw those friends from the previous year, but recently I found out she’s now with another guy from that group, which I only learned because her first affair had told me. I felt grossed out—she hadn’t mentioned it to me at all and was always making excuses to avoid hanging out with me, when in reality, she was with this other friend. Once I knew, I just started ignoring her, not replying to her messages, and didn’t even greet her at school. My life has felt filled with so much drama lately, from breaking up with my ex to now seeing her involved in a second affair. It might not directly involve me, but as a friendship, I realize she never really saw me as a friend. She’d reach out when she needed something, but whenever she was going out with her foreign friends, I wasn’t invited. Over time, I just saw her more clearly.
In just a couple of months, so much happened that I was constantly on an emotional rollercoaster, nearly breaking down. This past week, I’ve been trying to focus on my own life, which has helped a bit. When I found out yesterday that she didn’t see me as a friend and was once again cheating, I felt both upset and a bit guilty. She probably doesn’t know that I’m aware of all this, and I haven’t explained my distance from her. I don’t want to confront her about it, but I also worry that others might see me as the problem or think I’m giving her the cold shoulder without reason. She might have noticed that I’m less approachable now; even though we still sit together in class, she doesn’t greet me either. She’s become the “pick me girl” of the group, so they don’t really invite me to things anymore. While I consciously stepped back from this toxic circle, not being invited still stings a little. I don’t have many friends here, and sometimes when I need someone to talk to, friends back home are already asleep because of the time difference. Everyone’s busy with their own lives, so I don’t want to bother them with negativity.
What would you all do in this situation? How do you pull yourself out of emotional lows without getting sucked into a spiral? I know I need to learn to enjoy life independently and am trying to focus on new interests, go out more, and meet new people, although they’re more casual friends than anyone I can really open up to. And honestly, despite her being in the wrong, it feels like our foreign friends still stand by her side. Maybe it’s because my ex is part of that group, and I can’t seem to let go of the fact that she’s still close with them.
Sometimes I watch video about advices of relationships and friendships to calm myself, and I’m fine during the day, but at night I just want to cry, wondering why things ended up like this. I know I can’t keep letting this get to me, and I’m working on new hobbies, slowly adjusting to life on my own.
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