Journal 12/25

This is such an incredibly difficult thing to grapple with. She checks all of the boxes except the one, but she has brought such light to my life since I met her. She makes art for me, she is inspired by me, and she loves me the way that I love. She enriches my life. She compliments me in ways nobody has ever done. She said my way with words attracts her to me. She is so lovely and whimsical, talented, intelligent emotionally, musically, and scientifically, wonderfully talented, and so astonishingly beautiful beyond compare. She even said she wishes she was more mature so she could date me... It breaks my heart. I want to, so badly. I am so afraid of hurting her, but worse than that I am afraid of being selfish and stimying her. She is such a good soul to her core, recklessly loving and innocent. It scares me because she reminds me of me. Who I once was. I know I would be better than the partners I had, but I am so worried I would hold her back from her full potential, and I'm so worried I would hurt her in a way she really doesn't deserve. I am also worried what my loved ones will think. She is only 20, and I am 28. So far apart in age, and in different stages of life especially. She has never lived on her own. Part of me thinks this is the partner I deserve, but the other part of me believes that she is so good that she deserves better. I don't know what to do. Am I just needlessly tormenting myself?