It's scary what I would do to feel loved and taken care of. It's scary how much I want it.

This isn't necessarily trama dumping, but I had once been SA'd by my first-ever boyfriend. This was a week after dating, and yet I loved how he took care of me afterward, that no matter what bad thing he did I loved being taken care of feeling and I felt loved or something somehow that I ended up letting him do it again. What's wrong with me? idk. And I want to feel taken care of and loved so badly, I really would do anything for it. But no matter what I do, I don't feel it. It also feels weird to crave being taken care of and loved so badly because I know my parents love me, and my friends love me, but it's different. Just me?