is it even really worth it?

all my life has been the same. i work hard and i get mid results so i work even harder and i still get mid results. i was studying for history last exam week when this thought dawned up upon me. it´s not worth it at all. i wake up everyday at 6 am, i get on the bus to school at 7 am and arrive at 8:20. from 8:30 to 16:00, every workday, i go to school. i get home at 17:00 after a long day and i am already being yelled at, or ignored. i make food and my mom yells at me to change first, then eat. i argue back, but is this really even worth arguing for? i finish eating and get upstairs. my mom just scolded me for my messy room. i have to clean it now. i am so mentally drained. i barely manage to clean it up before jumping on my love seat in my room. my mom comes in to check up on my room, she gets angry at a sock on the floor and takes my phone away, ´to study´ she says. after she yelled at me for sitting on my couch, i decide to go on my desk. i open my math homework and start with an equation. i like math because it´s the only logical thing in my life. i am so drained, is it even worth it? i open my chemistry book. i cannot understand anything on it even if my life depended on it. i try watching online lessons. is it even worth all this effort though? my mom calls me downstairs to eat dinner. i ignored her the first 1 or 20 times. talking to my family is very exhausting. my siblings don´t feel that way though. i feel like i am the only one. my mom hears my footsteps on the stairs and immediately starts yelling. ´why didn´t you just come the first time i called for you? why do we have to yell at you everyday?´, the same old things. depending on my mood, i either socialize or not. my dad scolds me for that. ´you can´t just decide when you like to be all up on our faces smiling or ignoring us. we aren´t obliged to put up with your attitude.´ he always says that. things are often repeated when said to me. i hardly ever listen. i don´t really know why i am this way. after dinner i go upstairs, either after an argument with my parents, us eating in silence or us laughing together. anyways. i keep trying to do the chemistry homework. my laptop rings. a message from my class group chat. ´you can see your grade online for the last test´. why would they tell me that? i don´t want to see my grade. i check on the website and my grade is 30%. again. oh well. this always happens. i hope my parents don´t see it anytime soon. i stare at my chemistry homework for no longer than a 30 seconds and shut the workbook. it is not worth it. i try to watch a movie or anything in that direction but the guilt of ot doing my homework consumes me. i try again. i open my english homework. i am great at english. as i read the first exercise i realize i am no longer great at english. i have come upon this realization often, that i am no longer great, at things i used to excel at. i shut this workbook,too and keep watching my movie. the book i have to finish for english class stares into my soul. i used to love reading. it was all i could ever do. the guilt consumes me but i physically cannot get up. somehow it is 1 am now and i have yet to do anything. i should sleep now. my allergy pills that i cannot function properly without are no further than 1 feet away from me. i cannot take them. i don´t know what´s stopping me. i just can´t get up. i´ll regret it tommorow. should i even wake up, though? this will be my life for the next 4 years until i graduate, if i don´t have to repeat a year. then i will go to university for god only knows how long. after university i have to find myself a job. i don´t know what i want to do yet. i should figure that out soon. after landing that job i will work for maybe until i am 70 because pension time is being postponed. i might get married and have kids. i don´t really care for that, not yet, atleast. my point is: isn´t life just so miserable? why must i try so hard in life if i´ll die at the end anyways. i´ll go to either heaven or hell. once i am burried no one will care whether i was a genius scientist or your average 9-5 worker. and what if i am a genius scientist stuck as your average 9-5 worker? so is it even worth it working this hard? the results will never have me fulfilled so why work this hard if the results we be the same anyways? whether i study 3 days or 3 hours for a test my results will still never have me fulfilled. life is the same. it´ś not worth it. if i become a librarian or a mom of 6 it will be all the same. i believe life is not worth living. i have never even had a passion for anything so i have nothing to work towards, which makes it even less worth it. i just need an answer.