3 weeks ago
6
After getting an illness that's slowly going away (3 years now), where it made me realize that my mind and thoughts are not me. My mind went dark (dark as in no thoughts sometimes, others just negative/fear/dread) and I struggled to grasp if what I was feeling and thinking was legitimate or from a broken mind.
After figuring out this seperation and understanding the feeling of "me", I realized my whole life I was just being pulled along with what my mind wanted, thinking that was me.
This has been an ongoing process for the majority of this year, what started it is multiple decisions I made thinking I was seeing things clearly when Infact my mind/logic/feelings were in LaLa land.
I made shit decisions that heavily effected and still affect my life. But the deeper I reflect, the deeeper I dig into myself and seeing how others behave, what they value. I just see my old self, who from my current perspective was on autopilot.
Don't get me wrong,I'm more "lost" than I've ever been, and that's okay, it's an incredibly daunting task to see life for what it is whe you've been just staring at a rock for decades.
But I am a "late bloomer" (in my 30's now). Do most people have this realization earlier in life and it's common sense to the majority and I'm just behind, or am I on the fringes of normality.
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