Im stuck in a love triangle

Before I get into the story I wanna say that I’m a person who comes from a lot of trauma and my first serious relationship was very traumatizing. I’m making this post to share my experience and get opinions.

Im a girl who has already been through her first love and serious relationship, all I can say is it was very bad and traumatizing, it’s been 11 months and I’m over it. Through my healing journey I figured out I’m not capable of a real relationship at the moment and I’m trying to find my potentials mentally and physically. I’ve had a guy friend for 4 years now and we trued dating a year into our friendship but broke up after 2 months (2022). Afterwards that same year I got with my first serious relationship in october and I stopped talking to him because my partner asked me to. I’ll be honest I was still texting him from time to time but just to check on him nothing more. Then I got cheated on but couldn’t get myself to break up with him, He went and cheated some more, and i just started texting my friend again. He saw my state before, during and after the breakup (december 2023) and how bad it was. 3 months after the breakup, he was trying to get into a relationship with me. I tried telling him that it wouldn’t work and I will end up hurting him. I just ignored him but then I thought I had a spark between us and ended up asking him to date (july 2024)(It’s long distance) the first 2 months felt fine, now into the 3rd month and I feel like I want to delete myself, I can’t bring myself to even text him (I honestly don’t enjoy texting anyone) and whenever I bring up the fact that this relationship wouldn’t work, he would just listen to me cry about how hurt I am argue his point which never end up working for him then instantly change the topic. It really bothers me how much he considers his feelings and not mine AT ALL while keeping in mind the fact that I have the ability to break this person. I made it very clear to him but he just wouldn’t listen to me. I honestly just gave up and started talking to a guy i met (august 2023) (ashamed to admit that I’m cheating) me and him didn’t really talk because at the time I was still dating my ex, eventually after the breakup I tried approaching him but I just didn’t know how, he’s pretty quiet and it felt hard to get close. A month ago (september 2024) I told him to start texting me and all we did was just send reels to each other and ask about each others days, but then 2 weeks ago from todays date, we started talking more seriously and he confessed to me that he had liked me ever since we met which was basically a year ago, he also told me how he always had an eye on me, my mood, always up to date with my socials and was always trying to talk to me but didn’t know how to (PS - I’m an approachable person, wouldn’t say extrovert but I talk to whoever) There was flirting here and there at the start since he always talked about how talking to girls makes him nervous so i tried building his confidence but then it turned out he had liked me, I honestly enjoy talking to him and since I see him almost everyday (we have the same classes) and I definitely prefer that over having long distance connections. He shows me how much he truly loves me by his actions and is very thoughtful of the way I think and feel. I know what I’m doing is wrong but as I already said my current bf isn’t giving me a chance to break up with him and isn’t considering what I went thru.

I NEED OPINIONS!!!!