Idk.

This one’s kinda all over the place but I just want to know if there’s anyone else dealing with what I am or anyone who has dealt with what I’m dealing with and if you could offer any advice big or small

I’m 17 and feel like I already stress so much so early. for instance yesterday I got a letter saying I have court for missing school too much. I missed school because of my mental health, missing school temporarily made me feel better as I spent those school days in bed putting my mind to rest. Every time I reach a low I need about a week to get back on my feet and that costed me in the form of bad grades, absences and now court. It feels like I’m digging myself a hole and digging a hole in that hole to escape the hole.

Then I see people my age like my friends live care free seeming like they’re just coasting through life. Going to parties, talking to a lot of people and im at home watching life pass by me.

Another thing, I want to be in a relationship I want a girl to need, someone to hold, take care of and protect but I know I need to work on myself, I can’t put my problems on a girl and expect her to help me. I’ve dealt with this same situation 3 times already where a girl likes me but i don’t feel ready for a relationship. This has happened this year. I thought a girl in my class was pretty and she gave obvious signs of interest but I ducked the relationship ending it before giving it a chance and so I feel I shouldn’t even try anymore atleast until I get myself straight.

I miss being a kid, when I didn’t care about anything, when my biggest worry was something so insignificant. And now I need to worry about what job I’m getting, what career path I want to take. what I score on a test.

I just find it crazy that we’re on a tiny floating rock in space and 200 years from now I’ll be dead the worlds gonna keep spinning, people will keep living and some how right now in this moment I worry so much. I guess the big question is how do I stop worrying and just live? How do I accept things, learn to live with them and improve the best I can?