I want to be a stoic, miserable, angry supersoldier who fights endless waves of godless aliens and who eventually dies a heroic yet lonely death

This life sucks. I’ve experienced most of what it has to offer. People will always betray you. Live is an illusion. Nothing left in life seems interesting and I have made too many bad choices to ever make it worth it again.

I basically live just to pay bills while waiting for the inevitable day I die. Im already unhappy, emotionless and not interested in anything else. I have power fantasies of being reborn into a monstrosity of human merged with machine designed purely for war. The idea of phlegmatically cutting through hordes of bloodthirsty aliens on a distant planet isolated from love or compassion so that someone millions of miles back on my home planet might have the chance at a better life at my expense is all I dream about.

I don’t want to be remembered or honored. I just want a way to use my anger and disappointment as a tool of necessary violence to protect the weak who still cling to hope.