I turned 22 today

I just turned 22 today, and honestly, it’s hard to feel anything about it. This is the 22nd birthday I’ve spent at home doing absolutely nothing. I haven’t celebrated any of B-days, and it feels like I’ve never had anyone to celebrate with. I haven’t had friends for years, and I’m still a first-year in college because of how things turned out for me.

I don’t even know what I’m doing with myself anymore. I feel this constant disappointment like I’m wasting these years being miserable and isolated. I want to make a difference in my life, but I just can’t see how to change anything. It feels impossible, and staying away from everything hiding and letting myself rot feels easier, even though I know it’s the worst thing I can do.

It’s like time has stopped for me, and the rest of the world is moving on while I’m left behind, clueless about where to go or how to move forward. I have no idea how others do it.