I Think There Is Something Really Wrong With Me

I dont experience love for anyone or anything. As mucha s my parents had loved me, as much as we had good times and we shared our laughs and as many times i have ran and cried to their arms as a child.... it seems as if i domt even love them. I respect them, i do things with them, i even smile for them. But for some reason i never felt that real true son to father or son to mother love.

I dont know how to feel about this. I think im just dissapointed or even disgusted with myself for my feelings and thoughts towards my parents.

Why am i so heartless? I dont think i should live honestly. I have no struggle with catching the bus besides the initial fear and struggle. You know why? Its not like i love myself either. I tried looking back at the pictyres of myself and my family. COUNTLESS pictures and memories all about me.

But for some reason. I just dont feel anything even towards myself. I believe in god. Or at least used to but i will always ask him why was i born as a heartless monster? Why was i born as a man, without a soul.

The question is what is wrong with me? And how messed up is all this?