I think I finally found myself?

I (19f) came from a very unstable childhood. My mother had her own personal issues and suffered with post-partum(I forgive my mom regardless, any person is a victim of a victim🫶🏾) and that caused her to move me along with her confusing life that led to severe instability mixed in with physical and emotional abuse that spanned from when I was in pre-k - 10th grade. While I was always in and out of random houses, I truly never had a place to feel belonged in, fear of not knowing who’s care I could be in, who could give me the right attention that a parent should give a kid, and because of my eccentric attitude that i inherit(thankfully) from my parent’s bright mindset, nobody could understand me, nobody around me wanted to be different, everyone was always following the crowd but deep inside myself I felt more intellectual and educated. The funniest thing my dad has ever said to me was, “You make me laugh, I’ve never seen a kid try to act stupid because you know you’re not.” I appreciate my father. He is a man of luxury, of class, of happiness. Anything he wants in life he gets and he manifests. I also started smoking weed and it made me feel more spiritual and things that I WANT in life always comes to me.!!!! When you love yourself anything you attract in this life will be filled with love in return, vice versa since I originally thought that life was miserable and depressing. Because of the love that I had lacked throughout my short years of living, I was desperate for attention of the outside world and insecure about myself and in return, that was the people that I had attracted into my life. I loved the toxicity because that’s what I was used to knowing and when you’re comfortable with that lifestyle you have things gravitate towards what you have seen as a kid. To put it short, I was bullied a lot in elementary and middle school. High school brought more insecurities because I never thought i was beautiful(and i’m literally a 10 in every aspect)or capable enough to do what people around me were doing. I was just an observer in life and never put myself first. So a little after I graduated and started college, I found a book called ‘You can heal your life’ by Louise Hay and boy did that book leave me speechless, GUYS LISTEN when you find yourself, you realize you don’t need anyone but yourself and the people who LOVE YOU. Also, knowing that you can trust yourself to live healthier, you infact do find living to see each day as a priority and not a chore that you’re forced to do. Knowing that you accept and love yourself is the best piece of validation to ever have. People in this world will only take your love and attention if you give too much of it, you have to reel back and give it to yourself!! When my dad took me in for the rest of highschool i still struggled with that mindset that I didn’t deserve to be rewarded to work towards anything because i wasn’t good enough. I was overweight, had acne, and i never got my hair done frequently as a black girl. Now in 2025 I suddenly realized that the crowd I was in made me uncomfortable because I knew that lifestyle wasn’t for me. My father and stepmother helped me realize that I had to find myself in this life or I would only be getting dragged down by these people. Now I’m rebranding myself and holding up to a better standard, I started doing side hustles and finding jobs that respect my effort and respect. I stopped doing things for validation and started changing for the better. Now I attract things that are filled with love and happiness. I am so happy guys you don’t even understand!! That’s a lil story of my life hope you guys feel inspired in some way to change and better yourselves.