I made the mistake of looking at something and it made me feel like such a failure inside.

As of late, I’ve been feeling so down on myself. I’ve felt like I’ve come short. At 28, I have my masters in cybersecurity but nothing to show for. I’m in debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and I’m doing all the wrong things.

I was in love once, my first in everything. From high school. We broke up years ago over some issues. Looking at it now, it was a lot because of the fact that I wasn’t doing much with my life. I had the potential, yet not the will to do anything.

That was years ago, now I’m older, have more of an outlook, and realize things. Lately, I’ve been feeling like shit. The best way I can describe it is, it’s as if I’m watching myself do all the wrong things, self aware enough to know what I have to do but too weak to take control and do it. I’m complacent, feel lazy, and too comfortable. In a city full of memories and regrets, a place I wanna leave and blame myself for everytime I’m reminded I’m in it. I don’t enjoy my days cause I’m so preoccupied with the things I need to be doing and both my social and romantic life is suffering for it ( I make appearances but how truly am I really there?).

I’m at a conference right now, idk why the convo came up and I looked at her profile. I already knew from a while ago she was seeing someone. But I saw the things she posted, the adventures she had been having, and I was so happy for her. But it also made me feel bad, because it reminded me of how much stuck I was, that how much I have pretended that things are okay but they’re not, that I have been failing. I honestly didn’t know where to post this, so here I am. Idk if I just needed to vent , I’ll also welcome any feedback.

If you read this far, thank you.