I’m trying so hard to be a better man. Yet my past mistakes are weighing me down. I messed up my past so badly it’s ruined my future. How do you forget your past mistakes? I want to live better

I’m trying so hard to be a better man. Yet my past mistakes are weighing me down. I messed up my past so badly it’s ruined my future. How do you forget your past mistakes? I want to live better.

I unfortunately am not strong enough to end it. The times I’ve thought about it hard, I somehow always get call from my mom asking if her son is doing good okay, not sure how she knows.

My only option is to keep living, but if I’m going to do that, I want to live better.

I’ve given up on my dream life due to my failed past, so I’m not expecting be able to buy a house, or be married to someone great or have kids and be a dad. I’ve messed up a lot for any of those luxuries.

I’m an almost 30 (26M) year old man who’s done nothing but waste his good years. I’m someone who’s let fear/anxiety rule his life. I’m very overweight, I’m a dateless virgin. I’m a pharmacist who current,y is taking a paycut so that I could have a full time job and gain experience. Not to mention I have loans.

I don’t want to be a virgin but the dating apps don’t work and it’s hard for a woman to get past the looks of a short obese guy(I totally understand ladies) and being a virgin on top of that Is borderline like being a criminal to most women I’m sure. I realized a lot of my so called friends only used me through school. They openly have other groups without me and make fun of me for being a virgin even though they know it’s a rough subject for me.

So as you can see my past is so bad, my life isn’t worth anything. I gotta keep living for my mom tho.

I’ve been going to therapy, I’ve been back in the gym lifting, I’m trying to eat healthy. I’ve been slowly cutting ties w these so called friends even if it means I’ll have no one. I’ve hired a career coach to transition to a better job. I’m doing all this and not gonna give up but it just seems futile.

Based on how much I messed up my past, is it possible to make more money at a job I like? Is it possible to have sex once or have a girl not see me as trash for being an older virgin?

It’s so rough to move from the past, I’m working day and night to fix it. Please any advice?