1 week ago
56
Hey guys. Hope you are all doing well. I'm just here to vent.
One of my closest friends are getting married but I'm too ashamed to attend. I am friends with both the bride and groom.
I'm in a pretty bad spot and I have nothing going for me at the moment. If I were to go, I'm going to see all of my old high school friends and the groom/bride's family members and be too embarrassed about where I am in life.
Everybody is going to catch up and talk about how their life has been, how much they progressed in their careers and life in general, and I'd be the only person with nothing to share. I wouldn't know how to answer, "So how have you been?" or "What have you been up to?" I know I can just easily lie and be vague about things but I really prefer not to, I've always been pretty honest, even to a fault at times.
Meeting their relatives and other family members seem like a nightmare too. I've been told there were going to be 'babies', meaning happy couples and families, I assume people my age.
I've never felt this amount of shame about myself because I really haven't gotten much done the past few years. In fact, I've taken a few steps backwards. I can usually adapt to party environments pretty well and be social, but I don't know why this stresses me out so much. I think it's knowing the fact that probably almost all of my friends reached these sort of milestones that I'm nowhere near close to attaining. Don't get my wrong, I'm extremely happy for my friends. If it were just them two and a few other familiar friends, I wouldn't mind, but I think it's all of the other people that I'm afraid to show myself to.
I've been sick and used that as an excuse not to go. I'm not sick enough to skip out on a day like this though, and it makes me feel absolutely horrible and extremely guilty.
I hate myself so much sometimes.
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