I’m a lonely person now and it’s my fault

So for context me and my friend would play games all the time it was very fun but I had a surgery I’ve had many it wasn’t that big of a deal

And I was lonely like you do when lock inside for 4 months and I would ask him if he could play he kept saying he was busy setting dates then canceling and so I was just kind of sad and before this I was super extroverted but eventually when I talked to him i learned he was just talking and playing to his other friends and

I felt sad but he invited me to play with them it was fun for a couple weeks but he would just leave me out of stuff which is fine he has his friend group so I don’t really care about that but he just lies to me about a lot of stuff

and one day I said stuff after everyone in the call got mad at him that regret i don’t even remember what I said but I know I shouldn’t have said anything I was just mad cause he lied to me and kind of just left me like I would join the call they would just be sending memes to each other to the group chat I’m not in two of the friends that I like set up a group chat with me but they would still just not use that and start playing games after I leave the voice chat

then they just started growing apart from me and I’m kind of just left alone I still talk to the two guys that were nice to me but they are busy with school and playing with them and ever since then I have trouble talking to people

idk why but I just can’t talk to people with the same confidence and I when I try to make new friends I can only say short couple word answers and it makes me sad cause I can’t even think of the words to say

this was 1 year ago when I had my surgery I’m recovering from pretty much the same surgery this year and I’m just laying around

so I kind of did this to myself and I don’t hate my former friend or anybody I’m just sad cause when I play games then I think about playing with friends then get sad and I just end up closing the game

I don’t really have anyone to talk about this to and I feel weird afterwards I write these and delete them a day later but sorry for making your read me yapping