I let my ideal life slip away from me

I’m devastated on many levels

My {26F} broke up with me {28M} today after two months of long distance. We had plans this summer to go live on an island together in which she would become a bartender, and I would work on a boat. As time went on, I became worried about leaving my comfortable job that I already had. I asked my work if they would let me telework, and they said I couldn’t. So we decided that she would go down and we would be long distance. It’s been a tough two months, but overtime I saw her become more and more emotionally distant. She was having the time of her down there, making all new friends and have amazing experiences, and I’m stuck up in this cold weather waiting for her to return we can be together. I even had a breakdown at some point in a couple weeks in, and I told her I was willing to quit and come down in which she replied “That’s not a good idea, everyone on the island is already integrated. The boats kind of sailed for you.” Then she started talking about how she wants to stay down there. I was so devastated and I wanted to make it work, but as of today she said we should no longer be together.

What makes the situation even worse is I have this deep deep desire to go on some kind of adventure, but I was too afraid to leave my job. Now I have so much regret because I lost both my girl and my opportunity to do something amazing and I’m just stuck up here alone and cold. I’m so sad to lose her and I’m even more sad that I didn’t just go for it. I still want to do something amazing, I can’t live this desperate 9-5 anymore in this hellscape of a country anymore, and I lost the one chance I had to have things change for me. It’s the biggest regret of my life. I want to be on An island making friends and having fun! I’m so miserable up here. I’m lonely and it’s nearly impossible to meet people anymore.

I guess if I’m being honest, I think I wanted to break up with her for a long time, but just didn’t know how. I always kind of felt like there was someone out there that was better for me, but just stayed because it was comfortable. So maybe it’s for the best, but I can’t just help but imagine what life would have been like to live on the island with my girl and the thought of that haunts me.