I keep waking up at night..

I keep waking up at night, and proverbially sitting up in horror, and thinking I realy hate this: I dislike the current situation I am in, and feel trapped, but also powerless to do anything about it.

It's really making me uncomfortable, which might be a powerful nudge to embrace change, though there's a lot that is factually out of my control: that I cannot change without changing 99.9999% of the reality that I exist within, and that part... that part really hurts.

I keep waking up and thinking " I hate this, I am hurting other people."

I don't sleep soundly. I am embarassed, ashamed even.